When Leech Meets Drama

On impulse(s)

2009-09-25T20:43:00.005+08:00

Today,
I had so much fun,
jumping into the pool,
with Leeky,
after a long hour of sweating it out from playing squash!
HAHAH
*we cheated a bit cos we were wearing swimming suit la*

BUT

this wasnt the first time

The first time was purely on impulse, when everyone was busy stressing out, we were playing squash *library was too hypoxic k*
And after the game, the entire sports complex was so empty and it was about 8.45 pm.
AND, the pool looked so serene and calm and we were sweaty and hot. HAHA

So, we took out our shirt, shoes and socks and jumped in. La la la la.. of cos we were wearing proper bra. *blush*

Then the guard have to go and switch on the lights. hahah made us hide at the corner of the pool
Anak sungai style wei~
^^
***
Less then 5 minutes in the pool last nite,
we made the final decision to visit Batu Pahat (Leeky's hometown), after a day of dilly-dallying.
We wanted to go there for the famous crab dishes by the jetty. Unfortunately we left late and reached there bout only 12 am, just in time to see the restaurant close. :)

Nevertheless, the view by the jetty, where we had to walk on cemented stilts on the sea (bout 100ms) was breathtaking. What I like the most was the lighthouse view across the sea. So calming~
We had to walked pass peoples' houses to the seaside. Kinda remind me off Pulau Ketam in Klang. So traditional lifestyle. ^^

Then it had to rain. Huge fat ass droplets, torrential rain I have to say. Hungry and cold, we stopped at another restaurant to fill our stomachs.

Sadly, we missed Leeky's parents' who went to JB that nite. We managed to visit her sister's new cafe though. Very nice ambience with edgy furniture.

I reached hostel bout 3am. As usual, if we arrived late, we have to fill in the book before entering the hostel door. I was thinking what reason to write? *some of my previous reasons was supper = clubbing, supper = drinking session, study = supper* For last nite, I simply wrote, went back to hometown. Not mine but nevertheless. (:

In the end, it was quite fun. Tired, but I would like to visit the small little bustling town again someday. (:
Thanks Leeks and Jeremy for the late night road trip :)

Rant

2009-09-24T14:43:00.004+08:00

I wanted to let it all out.
The thoughts are killing me.
So, I decided to signed into FB, to rant out my thoughts.
Instead, I am greeted with so many happy shoutouts *i am happy that they are confident that they'll pass* and people who are already posting up the cases that are out today. But seriously, is it necessary? We went through fair and square ok?

I guess life IS unfair.

... I immediately exed the page off, and ended up here.

First and foremost, while we were quarantined in the room, awaiting our turns for long cases, some jackasses or smart alecks decided to SPECULATE or DECODE the allocated numbers that we had. Initially, I was ignoring them, got so pissed when they expected everyone (20 +) in the room to take part in their little session because their "brains" were satured and they can't study. To the point where they were so confident, I was shaken too. Scared to my core cos apparently I am supposed to get Paedatrics case. This particular "her" had the guts to walk around, happily proclaiming that she's glad that she managed to get O & G cases because it was either my allocated number or hers, will get either Ped 0r O&G and she have to let everyone know what's on her freaking mind. I am pissed. Cos we all are there for our exams, not to hear you freaking whine. Best part is others actually entertain her. Anyways, so, like I said, I got influenced and studied on Pediatrics for the last one hour and when the invigilator came to get me, he told me my case is an O & G case. Well, not that I am complaining at that moment cos I was aiming for O&G case.

Saying this, another friend was also expecting an ortho case cos of their conclusion but she had Peds case which was equally tough as mine. ):

Then hell began. As the invigilator was leading me to obstetrics ward, the corresponding medical officer said the fourth case is at the gynaecology ward. I was thinking, " i hope it's fibriods or ovarian cyst". Sigh. I guess it's just not my day. My patient has a freaking long history of carcinoma of cervix, had TAH BSO done last year, presented with ascites, had radiotherapy + chemotherapy done and left lower limb swelling. To her credit, my patient was cooperative * i was thinking after the exam, the person who wanted badly to get an o&g case should have this case cos this patient only speaks in MANDARIN* but she has shortness of breath, abdomen discomfort and forgotten details about her own condition. I had to clerk a freaking long history with only 15 minutes for examination of the abdomen and just my luck, when the examiners came, they were Dr. Sameera and Dr. Yang (surgical consultant). I knew I was dead.

He freaking expected me to examine the left lower limb swelling as a proper examination plus I had to do abdomen examination proper and other systems as well, since she presented with ascites.

He also asked a whole bunch of surgical questions and I didnt have time to answer any O&G questions. Not that I know also, cos wasnt expecting ca cervix.

Now I really know why people created the word, "F*CK". It's for such situations..

Sighhh..

Stress kao kao.

Monosaturated

2009-09-23T01:21:00.003+08:00

I am suffocating.. can I go somewhere till the exam is over?
Feel so inadequate, unequipped for the exam, in spite of facing the books for hours a day.
AND
The thought of repeating the course, shit, damn stress k..
I know everyone handles stress differently and mine, happens to be the "avoiding/escaping-from-reality" one. -.-"

God save me. And the rest of the batch who is going for battle on Thursday onwards. Amen

My ambitions

2009-09-05T03:27:00.003+08:00

In between studying time, I managed to slot myself some daydreaming privileges *hence the lack of productiveness* about my childhood ambitions and the ones that still hold true..

When I was a pre-schooler, I wanted to be a cook/chef.

Everytime before my kindergarten teacher starts to cook, she uses a stovelighter in the shape of a gun to start the fire on the stove. I was in awed.. I made it a resolution to get the gun thingamajig at that time. Before you start to think, "Why Leech's kindergarten damn ganas one? Showing children all this fire thingy and stove?", the mini kitchen was situated at a gangway where we usually just walk passed the stoves to my class. The teacher probably didnt know but my eyes were preying the stovelighters like a hawk on a chick *mwhaha* Finally, one day, while "passing by", me and my 2 other friends stopped by for a minute and started to play with the stovelighters while nobody else was around. I was damn inspired ok. *now, it does sound like I am a bit jakun* Needless to say, our class teacher caught us playing with it and we were punished to sit by the swimming pool while watching other classmates swim. The teachers also made it a rule to keep all stovelighters out of sight. Coming back to why I wanted to be a chef. I guessed at that time, the only way to play with the stovelighter is to be a chef! ta-daaa!

Then proceeding to standard 1, nearly everyone wants to be a school teacher *dont bluff k. i know you want to!* including myself. My reason is because I like to correct other students exercise books with red pen, especially huge X /pangkah/salah or 0 / telur. HAHA

There's also normal other stuffs like:-
>>astronaut .. to a primary school kid, space traveling seems easy and fun

>> prime minister (can advocate for more school holidays)

>> doctor (never thought that I would really end up studying medicine).. during standard 3, I vividly remember how me and my other friends used an eraser and tied it to a pencil, acting as a knee hammer and pencil on another eraser (acting as the fulcrum) as an electrocardiogram. So creative rite? and I mentioned before how by arriving at the clinic and seeing the doctor, the sickness will mysteriously disappear.. (:

>> ambassador in a foreign country cos they can travel and stay overseas while getting paid!

Then secondary school phase, there's:-
>> kindergarten teacher cos at one point I like kids a lot especially when they say the darnest things but as years passed, the thought of cleaning poop and urine doesn't seem so interesting anymore. This also affect my initial interest in Pediatrics. Some say I have talent with kids but trust me, it take loads of work. Try entertaining a bunch of cousins who are way younger than me. The boys: I have to play hide n seek, war games, tell jokes, play cars & accidents and imaginary friends etc and the girls: have to answer 1001 questions about anything, play princess, read story books. Whoaaa.. the patience man..

>> globe trekker .. i had seriously thought of just dumping everything and travel around the world but in an Asian society and being the eldest in the family, this dream remains just a dream but I will one day travel the world. *insert olympic music* but this dream is not really a dream cos if I successfully graduate as a doctor, I have looong to join Doctors without Borders or maybe begin with home, Mercy Malaysia. With that, I get to travel and help people. ^^ I do know the risks and heartaches involved, not mere fantasising k.

>> veterinarian, cos other than kids, I also like animals *not that I equate them. hahah * I think this idea was greatly influenced by my grandma's friend who is a SPCA committee member and have 11 dogs. She always tell me bout her experience in spca. I volunteered once at SPCA with my bestie, Emmie. Initially, our chores were just playing with the puppies and bathe them. Then the higher authorities made us wash the kennels. Both of us have to transfer one dog to another kennel, wash it and then return the dog back and repeat the process a billion times. The "uncute" dogs pooped and peed in the kennels right after we cleaned it. Urggh.! Not easy k, their shit were everywhere plus the smeeellll. Fuyorh! but.. Can't blame them cos they were cold. When my dad picked both of us up, he said we smell like dogs ourselves. Sheessh. What happen to this dream? apparently, they only look cool in TVs. Hmm.. but I bet life will be easier and more satisfaction.... cos veterinarians dont wash kennels la.. oh well.. and veterinarians need to study bout every single animal systems I presumed and doctor only need to study bout human? hmm..

Currently, dreams that I still hold on to:-
>>open a bakery/cafe .... I just love the smell of freshly baked bread and also freshly brewed coffee. If I have a cafe, the theme will either be "Angel": ornaments of anything related to angels, with white fluffy cushions OR the cafe will have different sets of furnitures for every table to cater different groups. Wah. really dreaming hey? hehe

>> as I've mentioned, travel the world while helping people. Sounds cheesy but might as well use my expertise rite? but

>> rich man's wife. a tai-tai. datin. HAHAHAH not mistress k. or inherit a huge fortune from a long lost emperor of China, thank you very much.

dreams will remain as dreams.. without moolah.. reality bites man...

all this i guess can only happen when I am able to make my family comfortable with their lives :)

wht's your deepest dream and ambition hey?

RRrr!

2009-08-17T23:01:00.003+08:00

Need-to-hide-the-laptop-in-a-far-away-hard-to-reach-secluded-secret-place-where-i-can't-get-it-cos-I-am-addicted-to-the-net-h-e-l-p-m-e-cos-I-will-be-the-one-who-keeps-it-and-bring-it-out-in-the-end-such-weak-willpower-I-have

/cries/emo/bangs head

this-is-a-public-distress-call. hu-hu-hu

URGH!

2009-07-31T19:58:00.005+08:00

I wanna screammmmmmmmm.. arrghhhhh!!!!!!!..
Apparently things should remain confidential after the "meeting" esp nothin should be on facebook. Try to control this bast*rd and bit*hes!!!
This is my blog. My online diary of somesort.
Even politicians can blog bout their opinion. Heard of blogging freedom? If you dont like, create you own blog and diss me. Furthermore, no names are mentioned. Not gonna pollute my beloved blog with such names.

Today is my first time seeing a pseudo-lawyer (albeit not his business - not in our group, not even our batch but talked like he has YEARS of experience and he is only a "close" friend) in action.

I have no friends to talk to, everyone boycott me, although not directly but from their facial expression, I can feel it. sob sob *please sense the SARCASM*

Freaking childish rite? "villain" actress have to involve a lecturer cause she knows she will end up dead, talking to us *i will personally pull her hair, not because i am uncivilised but because she's a pain in the ass* I thought I was gonna have an outburst there but LOL, other members were more boiling hot than me. * pat on the back for myself for controlling my anger*

I was apparently being biased towards the 2 accused people cos I have been standing on their side and not saying anything pleasant to her ears but i'm s000 sorrie hor *sarcasm again*, they are my friends while you are nothing. And please, I do have a BRAIN to think for my own. I KNOW what is right or wrong or in this case, downright RUBBISH.

I did not say much cos firstly, once you involve a lecturer in such a personal matter *laughing stock man, even primary school kids dont do that*, it has been a bias already. Secondly, we will never know what the lecturer will do in the exams, and wouldn't wanna be a target in exams.

She says we ( the other group members were never involve). We are very much involved cos we were accused of boycotting/bullying her, although not directly but apparently she feels it, she sense it from our facial expression and she is very sad bout it. YO B*TCH. Now you even wanna control our freedom of speech is it? Seriously, how can 9 others be at fault when you yourself feels pitiful bout youself, using this trick to gain sympathy from the male slut. *I am amazed by my own anger*

Like I said, how can people not see the wolf disguised as a sheep? As we all predicted earlier on, she teared while talking bout her sad story. Oh man, I wish I have tears too, tears of frustration and anger but I guess the boiling temperature in me has boiled the tears dry.

I am partially mad cos I was not able to stand up for my friends although they've been wronged but I am glad that the lecturer has sense to know what's going on. The lecturer said she-devil can't force us to like her. So true.

The whole "meeting" was apparently to solve her issues. Yes man. We have to tolerate her, show her kindness and love, understand her financial situations and her stresses, include her in our conversations cos WE made her unable to study. Only one word to describe my feelings: WOW!

The problems, all the accusations was not solve cos we were not there to point fingers but to make her feel better and understand her situation. Awww....

I dont know what the other group members will think or will do but I am already treating her "good" by NOT acknowledging her presence. Force me, bite me but she can kiss my sorry ass man! Want me to be her friend? Nah *puuuuuuuuttttt* but.. she is afterall in my group, *puppy eyes* I will answer her if she ask any questionS regarding study matters. Have to tell her though, she needs to pay me for my expressions. It's not free. Oh wait, then again, I might be called up by the lecturer.. Hmmmm...

Then again, I do not wanna hold a grudge on her. Will only make myself suffer. In the end, I know, we know. That's what matters.

I had an intense headache after the meeting. Thot I was gonna faint due to raised intracranial pressure!. So much anger!!

p.s: i have a secret. ask me personally n I will tell you. but shhh.. dont tell any one k. (:

Shit happens

2009-07-28T23:42:00.003+08:00

Today is not like any other day. Today is a super-sueh, unlucky day!
T________T

Started from last nite, wanted to take a short nap for an hour (9pm). Even asked my bro to wake me up an hour later but the weakling me decided to sleep another 10minutes without turning on the alarm and consequently, slept for 10 continuous hours. Such a klutz and lazy ass.

Then in the morning, thanks to my overconfidence, my friend received a love-letter from the traffic police because he parked on the motorbike lots. Other cars did that normally. SERIOUSLY, who gives a parking ticket IN THE BLOODY HOSPITAL compound? Shhessh. Furthermore, with the college sticker proudly displaying on the windscreen, couldn't the police cut some slacks?! AND the 3 to 4 cars next to his did not receive any parking ticket and we were only there for ONE hour. gRRRR!

After that, 2 more personal incidents happened. Make me feel like shit. So much turmoil inside. sad sad sad. It's not something that can be solve easily and kinda serious matter too.. sighhh

Then in the evening, me and 2 other friends went to the hospital to see cases. When we asked the doctors in the ward for cases, the bloody doctor, laughingly said I look MATURE. wtf. thank you SOO very much. dahla I am younger than her. *sticks out middle finger*

Plus, have to pay for my laundry (a freaking full suit saree with a few scarves) that cost RM 50++ cos I sent it for dry cleaning. Shit ass expensive. Arrgghh.
The next time when I wear saree, I'm gonna wash it the traditional way, which is by the river.

Lastly, when I got back today from random shopping, I realised there're a few scratches at the corner of my car's bumper, near the front tyre. T_____T Heart ache betul. I havent even celebrate it's 1st month anniversary! /BITTER
Can I find a black car to scrap the paint of it and patch it to my car?? HUHUHUHUHU..
My car is officially retired till further notice.

Ramblings

2009-07-15T23:10:00.004+08:00

The smell of the air after a night of rain was refreshing this morning. Thought it was gonna be a good day..

Had ophthalmology OPD at Peringgit Clinic today.
"TVB best villain actress" thought that she should remind us why she was given the award by presenting us (the other group members) with another drama. Apparently she paid someone in the group RM 100 monthly for transportation fee to Muar till she does not have enough money to spend on food.? O.o. Wht nonsense. Sigh. Although I do not share car with her but seriously, it does put a bad light on our names where else she received all the pity from others. It angers me that there're such people in the world where they act all "innocent and cute", with such screwd mind and heart but they do get what they want in life. A-N-Y-W-A-Y-S, it's not my concern as long as I do not hear rumours bout me "bullying" her or somesort.

*throwing it aside*

I feel so inadequate today. How to sit for the coming exams? Physically and mentally exhausted. And time is running out.
Pardon the panic mode here cos I jus found out the amount of shitloads I need to study and practice. T________T

Another chapter in life

2009-07-13T22:16:00.003+08:00

Instead of just posting pictures in FB, I think some photos are more worthy to be in the blog. With accompanied stories, the photos are not just to show-off but to tell you my feelings and what it really matters. ^^ Furthermore, this is family-related. So kinda personal too.

Having my own car (tho not my money) is indeed a new chapter in my life.

I've owned a scooter but many-hands had used it.
I've drive my parents' cars around but again, not my own.
I have to admit my family is not rich but for my parents' to give me a car, it was really touching *wipe away tears* especially after my dad told me that I do not have to asked around for people (more than 5) to send me home. Now, I can come back anytime I want *big wet puppy eyes*

Thanks Mum & Dad plus 2 munster bros. Love ya loads. <3

The parents' can get me any car, in fact for a person who is not working and studying medicine, they really spent a lot on me. But my parents' put safety first, above everything else and of course, within budget.. (:

Dad's criteria for a second-hand car is a woman driver, preferably only drive to work, do not travel long distance, no accidents and preferably, tai-tai material. HAHA where to find la? A simple Kelisa wont do, proton saga has poor quality and a normal Myvi lacks airbag apparently. hehe Hence, they got me a SE MYVI1.3.

It's not a huge car, not my dream car but that I can get it myself in the future! Who am I to complain wei? hehe I love my car! Now, *pray hard that I will maintain it well*

In fact, it has a name: Blackie or "or-kau"/Guinness stout. hahahha. *yes la, i am that lame*

Can you see that I am excited? *grins*

Say Hi! to BKK8329 (same no. as my mum's car)

Family and the cousins from UK

Make ur appointment for free joyride. hehe.

Following photos are from dinner celebration at Sheraton Hotel, Subang in conjunction of me getting a new car. haha

Slimy oysters. Yum yum!

Adorable dad and mua + gratined oyster with lemon herb sauce. Super yummy!

Cool bro, sexy mum and african bro

After the 12939x attempt to take a proper photo by adorable dad who keeps shaking his hand.

Poser shot. Thank you.

Chocolate fondue. How not to gain weight le? *huge sighhh*

Brought the UK cousins out shopping the next day. Super mischievious the younger one.

Elder bro, Chris

Little munster, Cameron. His British accent is so keyuuutte!

He literally put my hand into his mouth.

Dad: Why my daughter cannot grow up one? Only grow sideways. HAHAH

K la. That's all for now. More family outing soon.
I'm such a family person. hehe

p.s: btw, i think i chopped my hair too short. huhuhu.

The sick pacat

2009-07-01T19:36:00.008+08:00

This whole week has been a rollercoaster ride (cliche but true) for my body. No kidding.

Having low grade fever with chills and rigor. No fun.
Nauseated, vigorously shaking the cup, couldnt finish the wonderful lasagna in front of me. No fun at all.
Troubling people (Leeks n K) to send me to clinic. boohoo
The doctor in clinic didnt even examine me. hmm. and only treated me for my nausea. (antacids, omeprazole and charcoal pills given). Furthermore, she looked at me with disbelief. As though I omitted some important symptoms from her, just for fun. Yes, my symptoms were very vague: fever, chills, rigor, headache, started within 2 hours, nausea, no URTI.

On the way back from the clinic, I vomited at a random drain near the college. hahah. Funny part was, when I thought I was okay, I saw a pile of dog poop on the grass, and ran back to the drain to vomit. hahahaha

FInal diagnosis: no diagnosis. ruled out H1N1 tho. hehe. I havent been overseas, no contact with ppl with H1N1 k, no flu n cough either. *sorry to disappoint loads of ppl who wanna skip class*

The nite was bad. I was sweating madly. I felt all the heat in Sahara accumulated at the neck and face but at the same time was shivering. A/C was at 22 degrees. I'm usually not a whinny person when I am sick as long I am allowed to sleep but having my sleep being disturbed like that, made me absolutely cranky. I was only able to sleep at 3-4 am when the core temperature has decreased.

Woke up bout 10.30am, wanted to attend lectures but well, was not in a good condition for the earlier classes. Managed to go for the 11.30am class. I did not skip class for fun k. Valid reasons. hehe

Afternoon was good. Ate porridge for brunch and went for a movie ( night at the museum 2 was hilarious. guess who laugh the loudest? haha i think that's more like a rhetorical question rite?.>> me me *wave hands*) plus had teatime. *the happier times. the feeling of being able to enjoy after a night of hell is pure bliss k*

Should have known that that was the calm sea before the storm.. -___-"

Then hell started again. Felt feverish bout 7pm. Went out for dinner but couldn't finish my food again. Whole body weakness, but no fever. Wanted to do some studies for my short case end posting the next day (Wednesday) because Dr.NKS was coming in and he is more lenient plus I did badly for long case when Dr.Gauri came in. Sadly, as man propose, God dispose. I read only 2 pages in Leekie's house and couldn't take it anymore. Slept on her bed while she, Alicia and Sashi were thinking, in their respective abode bout my diagnosis.
Finally, Sashi thought of possible allergic reaction to my HPV vaccine and with that in mind, Leek's brought me to another panel clinic in the town at about 11pm. The doctor there was more professional. Upon seeing him itself, I felt better. Hehe. His manner of conduct and confidence shows his expertise, kinda remind me of the time when I visited the clinic during the younger days, I automatically felt better. My mum always teased me, saying, what a waste of medication money, should have just paid for the consultation fees. :)
Back to story proper, my temperature was 39.1 degrees (high grade) with myalgia (body weakness) but again no rash, URTI, UTI etc. He sent my blood for full blood count but only can get the report the next day. Apparently, if he calls means it's bad news and I have to be admitted for most probably dengue but if there's no call, means it's good news. He sent me home with paracetamols, metoclopramide and my MC slip.

Had to ask Leek's to messaged Alvin, the groupleader to postpone my short case to another possible day.

The night was not as bad as the first night but fever was there. Slept to 10am the next day. Groupmates called at 12 something, to asked me how am I? and asked to be included in the list of possible contacts if I do have H1N1. -____-!!!

Seriously I thought I was feeling better, no feverish, ate only porridge thanks to Leeks *mwah* and was in the room the bloody whole day! So, the thought of Japanese food was so tempting plus it was a friend, Beh's birthday. He treated for dinner, so kinda shy if we didnt attend the after party, which I sat and move minimally k. *angel's halo, big wet puppy eyes*

I did attend class the next day with a pulling sensaton on the periorbital areas radiating to the frontal area. The heat in Muar did not help at ALL. By afternoon, my headache had worsen plus we had 3 short cases plus 2 long cases to finish. All this time I was taking paracetamol like sweets i tell you!

As soon as I reached my room, I bathed, ate a slice of bread, swallowed another 2 panadol and slept. Yes slept. But in between the sleep, there's a minor break for gossips from my very salah gf. hehe And slept back again. So, in total I slept for 13 hours from 5 pm on Thursday evening till 6am. I am so SINFUL. I tried to force myself to wake up earlier the next day cos I'm having my said short case end-posting on this fateful Friday by the Dr-who-I-wanted-to-avoid-badly, Dr.Gauri (just my luck) and study whatever my gut feelings told me to study.

Instead, I woke up at 6am to cook Maggi curry cos I was damn hungryand was dreaming bout it probably from 10pm onwards. Who cooks maggi at 6am in the morning? huhuh. On the empty stomach, it doesn't taste nice at all. Huhuhuh I was drying my hair ala turban style and with my specs out to take water from the water dispenser this morning, so if anyone saw me at 6am at the corridor of girls' hostel, that was not a ghost of any kind.

Thank God, my end posting went quite well and headache has decreased *fingers crossed*

I dunno where and what went wrong. Only God knows and God will heal. Amen :)

...

2009-06-26T01:01:00.009+08:00

I like the spontaneity; the last minute sleep over, the impulsive eating spree, the quota moments
I like how we can hangout and joke, without gossiping bout others
I like how you worry so much bout how I feel or dislike seeing me disappointed, when I cant watch Transformers though I said it was ok, you insisted on us watching it and we did (the 12.00am - midnight movie) even though you have night posting the next day (a very long day indeed).
I like how you try to fulfill my crave for starbucks even though you can't concentrate studying in Starbucks cos all you can think is shopping
I like our swimming time, where we can joke, laugh and hog the pool like rich tai-tais.
I like you spontaneous, outmost random comments. That shows how mysterious and imaginative your mind works.

Coming back from supper one day, 1.59 am, while driving into the campus
Leech: Eh, why the guard house so dark one? The lights are not on. The gate is wide open and guard no where to be seen.
Leeky: *spontaneously* Usually in horror movies, means all the guards die already *straight face*
Leech: o.O okaaayyyy... and then the 2 bimbos are killed soon after... *kwa kwa*

Thank you, my fren

Seed t-shirt which we both like and my new phone *cough cough*

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sometimes when I am confused of my own feelings, when I am unable to stand up for myself, the person who I can turn for advice is you, my big sis! Though I dont always follow it cos I'm not that brave, but I am glad that I can always hear your opinion.
Deep down, I feel we have an unexplainable bond and I know that I can always turn to you when I'm in need of help and I hope I can also do the same for you.
Be it, the anger outburst you show when I am bullied or the boisterous laughter when I tell you a joke, your expressions and emotions are always 100% real and it never ceased to amuse me.
There are times when I feel that you are the big sis but other times, you can be such a little girl especially when you are hungry or tired. That makes you quite predictable I guess. :)
Meeting you in India is one of my many blessings. My first friend, first roommate, first pillar of strength, first advisor, housemate, neighbour and kaki clubbing hehe Oh! and also hairdresser *she cuts my fringe in India* hehe
We (me, you, Leek's) gotta be the most chirpy girls in the entire class, when it comes to a "certain" friend of ours.

Thanks for being my fren

Christmas party in Manipal, 2007

After Barcelona, tipsy but otherwise ok. :)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Encik Sashi, regarding my supposedly "racist" jokes, you know I'm only joking rite? *not* LOL!
Your sensible advice, the ever realistic macha! has been loads of help, your responsibleness keeps our house in Manipal in order, your looks and stare kept me and Alicia save from strangers ^^ and also for carrying my 19283746584kg bag up Gunung Ledang while I can take my own sweet time to climb and somemore dare to asked you to walk faster hehe, and for supporting and encouraging me as always! I am forever grateful! hehe

Nearly died in Gunung Ledang. Hands and legs were wobbly but look at my friend with 2 bags walking beside. HAHA awww.!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then there's this friend, a friend who trust me even though we do not always hang out now but I want her (Gayathri) to know that her actions and words do make a difference.
There's once when I borrowed her car when she went back home to Penang, and the other guys messaged her, lied to her that I crashed her car. She did not call or message me right away to question me. Instead, I found out from the guys what they did and messaged her that her car is safe. She replied by saying she knows they are lying and didnt bother bout them. At that moment I was pissed at the guys cos this type of incident is not a joke. But I am glad to know the level of trust that she has on me and of course, there's also my role to play as a responsible driver.

In the bathtub at A Famosa during Alicia's bday party

Someone told me that hanging out with friends should be effortless... She, Chandan, Dinesh and Baveen are fine example of those kind of friends. ^^
Same goes to the saying that, people will forget what you said, what you did but will never forget how you made them feel.

Langkawi 03/09

Batman wannabe and cigar-smoking mafia in Langkawi

Ju-on haunting sleeping beauty, Bav.!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's also this particular friend who can make me laugh with his antics. His funny -sharp-gravity-defying hair hair and his muka red-tomato especially after drinking only one cup of beer, are ever entertaining. Over the years, I am proud that his alcohol tolerance has increase significantly. Now, he knows what happened the whole night without falling asleep after a drink. LOL!
He is one friend who need no words to understand what has happen. I know he is a silent friend who will be there when I need help, macam baja hitam. HAHA! Not to mention, he is one of my silent readers haha *Nah. take that ;P*
I remember when I lost my camera the second time, during North India trip and was damn sad, he loaned me his camera. I was really touched cos I jus lost mine and am sad and angry over my carelessness. Though his reason was weird, *he said since I lost my camera, I will definitely take extra precautions and extra care over his camera. Cheh* but that's his way I guess. hehe

He has tendency to recommend food with much enthusiasm but takut others will say it's overrated. hohoho

His comrades are also not to be forgotten. 3 musketeers as i call them *slumdog millionaire?* never fail to laugh at my lame jokes. Yes, muka maintain but spread my jokes to everyone and occasionally ask me to perform in front of others. -_-" I dunno how much of a friend I am to them *hard to keep up u know. hehe* but I definitely regard them as friend. I might not be there for them when in trouble * respective girlfriends duty :) * but at least happie times can be share rite? ^^

mr.muka maintain no 1. subclinical parkisonism *jk jk*
he does laugh *chuckles*

Budak kecik who always call me fei-mui. Sheesh! but luckily i am ho-ngoi. *cantonese*

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My pseudo-brother. Since Manipal days, he has been taking care of me like a little sis. Though he make sme worry most of the time but he is someone who I can talk and joke albeit lots of craziness. Hehe
For someone who is 1/2 chinese (sino-kadazan), he is quite racist towards his own race and always making fun of my rabbit sign *he calls it the china-sign V^-^v*
He is never judgmental and always accommodating towards my demands. A friend who is just a phone call away. Thanks loads pseudo ;)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's also my A1 groupmates, people who are same postings with me for erm, 3 semesters. We have our disagreements but plenty of fun times too. hehe the after class tea time and watching the daily dramas by a "certain" someone. Glad to be in the same group with u guys =)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm neither emo nor dying anytime soon btw. Jus in case you r thinking why the sudden post. ^.^
I was thinking why wait when I wanna express my gratitude to people whom I care?
and for the fact that I am skipping class tomorrow makes me happie too. haha
Typing this post brought back so much memories. :)

p.s: will update on this list soon. hehe. *updated*
p.p.s: not that i'm perasan but... you can send in your request for me to write bout you. Let me squeeze my head on what we both share together ^^

p.p.ps: gTLiers- our friendship is irreplaceable k. more like sisterhood man. missing the crazee bunch! do you hear me? hehe
mwah! *big fat juicy kiss*

missing members: emmie, cheryl, li yee and meikuen

For fun

2009-06-21T02:03:00.007+08:00

Some random stuff that make me happie. I'll throw in some comments. ^^ Ripped it from facebook (:
Shades of purple are my picks.
Red highlights are comments I can't help not commenting about .. hehe

*Disclaimer notes: These are purely my own thoughts. You are entitled to feel free to counter them or agree to it. =P*

1. Falling in love. *one day*

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. esp when friends say the most random stuff at the weirdest moment, telling a joke in a matter-of-fact way, with a straight face but usually when I laugh, the abdomen hurts more than the face. Face just becomes numb. I admit that I laugh at nearly every joke *except sick perverted ones. absolute put off* but every laughing moments are sincere. =D

Leeky wins the prestigious award of always making me laugh out loud. Habisla my image in the public. T.T

*note to self: close mouth with hand when laughing, laughter should only last for 5 seconds and below 10 db.*

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket.

5. A special glance. tell me who wouldn't feel happy for a special glance from someone, like a crush? *twirls hair*

6. Getting mail. When I was in India, my family members and Shwus used to send me cards. I am really happie when I recieved those snail mails. The cards were placed at the wall beside the mirror, so that I can see them everyday before I go out.

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. with good scenery, bunch of friends and great music. a road trip! =)

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. dont have to be the latest song *cos radiostations tend to butcher it after repeating for umpteen times* but more like, the right song for the mood at the unexpected moment.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. lying on bed is a good idea although i can't guarantee that i'll be awake, listening to the rain. harharhar

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).

12. A bubble bath. reliving the childhood days. hehe.When I was 8y/o, I used to make my own "swimming pool" cos my house dont have a bath tub, by stuffing the drainage holes on the shower floor with plastic bag and using a pail filled with water for weights on the plastic bags. Then, I'll filled the shower area (the common square area with 5 cm high divider) with water.

13. Giggling. esp while gossiping about someone you dont like *bitchy mode*

14. A good conversation. anytime, be it, general issues, general knowledge, dreams, future plans, random issues

15 The beach I LOVE the beach, sea, sea creatures. I once slept on the hammock by the beach, under a canopy of trees with layers of sunblock for 3 hours and ended up, tanned, like a freaking Indonesian maid. Sigh. but i still love the beach. =)

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.

17. Laughing at yourself. especially after embarassing myself. all the time. hahaha

18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you

19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours. This used to happen in Manipal when the intercom between hostel rooms was free. Alicia used to kick me out of the room cos I disturbed her sleep by laughing so loud. I had to talk in the halfway with a freaking long telephone connection wire. hehe no thanks to steven tan. then he goes scaring me with his cerita hantu.

20. Running through sprinklers. *acting movie meh?*

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. *siao*

22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. I like. come, tell me more often. LOL! *unsincere comments will result in YOU getting an unscratchable, unreachable itch like at the spine area, middle ear etc*

23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS LOL! girls will be girls. =) enough said.

25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. this gesture will last me the whole day or through tough times. awwww!

26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. Ultimate satisfaction! *nods head profusely*

27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. spending time with old friends is good but making new friends can be tiring and scary especially making a good first impression, creating conversation, afraid of being judged, afraid of looking stupid etc. Sometimes, we humans are too comfortable in our own zone. hehe

29. Playing with a new puppy or kitten. *playin is one thing. commitment is another. i absolutely detest people who act all lovey dovey with puppies or kittens but not towards the grown-up version*

30. Having someone play with your hair.

31. Sweet dreams. I was once told that we dream because we want it to happen in the real life leading to subconsciously picturing the event in our sleep. Dunno how true is the story but I am sometimes like that. which leads to No.17.

32. Hot chocolate. yummy!! escpecially Cadbury! I am easily bribe. *shameless*

33. Road trips with friends. no. 7!

34. Swinging on swings.

35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

36. Making chocolate chip cookies. *only in the toilet* wah. so crude. hehe

37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies. *evil friends who want me to gain weight*

38 Holding hands with someone you care about. * i cant hold hands cos i have sweaty palms. the day when someone is willing to hold my hand is the day I meet my soulmate. wtf. hahahaha*

39 Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

40. Watching the _expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

41. Watching the sunrise. Though i prefer sunset. The colours of the clouds during sunset can be mind-blowing at times!

42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day. *should be. but knowing a long day ahead can be depressing tho*

43. Knowing that somebody misses you. I know for sure my family misses me a lot. *big teary eyes*

44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply. A hug is very therapeautic, be it being a giver or recipient.

45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think. then only I'll know who will trust me and stand by me. ^^

A note from Cindy Lim

Natural Highs Please make sure you forward this back to me . . . You'll see why at the end. Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It Does Make You Feel Good, especially #45. 1. Falling in love. 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts. 3. A hot shower. 4. No lines at the supermarket. 5. A special glance. 6. Getting mail. 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road. 8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio. 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside. 10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer. 11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry). 12. A bubble bath. 13. Giggling. 14. A good conversation. 15 The beach 16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter. 17. Laughing at yourself. 18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you 19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours. 20. Running through sprinklers. 21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all. 22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful. 23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS 25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you. 26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep. 27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner). 28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones. 29. Playing with a new puppy or kitten. 30. Having someone play with your hair. 31. Sweet dreams. 32. Hot chocolate. 33. Road trips with friends. 34. Swinging on swings. 35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger. 36. Making chocolate chip cookies. 37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies. 38 Holding hands with someone you care about. 39 Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change. 40. Watching the _expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you. 41. Watching the sunrise. 42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day. 43. Knowing that somebody misses you. 44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply. 45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think. Pass on These Natural Highs to at Least 7 People in the Next Half Hour and Something Fantastic Will Happen to You in the Next Few Hours. Be sure to send it back to the person who sent it to you! Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth

<3 talk

2009-06-14T00:26:00.005+08:00

Something, or rather someone has been lingering in my head for the longest time...
All the what ifs, and what nots..
Knowing that there's no possibility, why does the heart (with all the wrong feelings) torturing the mind which affects the soul?
Such a sad state to be in.

But fret not, *convincing myself* I will sleep it off! and wake up to a new day with a huge grin on my face *probably not. more like a huge sigh.. haihhh* and waits patiently :)

Thank God, there's a place like home: a place to escape

Damn emo sial. must be the hot weather.

you know what?

2009-06-10T00:48:00.004+08:00

It's so hard telling people this. Harder to make them understand.

Sometimes when I smile, I am actually saving whatever dignity I have..

Why are people so judgmental and critical towards me? ... are really beyond my understanding..
Do you really know me, to even pass me those comments? What rights do you have for making me a joke for your own sadistic purpose? How dare you pass comments without thinking of my feelings?

There's difference between friendly jokes and pull-you-down-to-make-me-happy kind of jokes.

Is it because I am too nice, too soft, easily bullied or I have the tidak-apa-attitude?

In those situations, what am I supposed to do when my feelings are compromised? Be it publicly humiliated or privately confronted.
...Laugh it off, as usual and havin the cycles repeat?
...Confront, saying, "I dont like it", but afraid of sounding too harsh
... or easiest way, act blur and ignore those comments.

I know the comments are true. but whatever reason, you have no rights in making me feel this way.
Partially my fault for not standing up for myself. Sigh.
But like I said, if the comments are true, how do one defend oneself?
Double sigh.
It's personal attack k.. huhuh. and I am hurt.

p.s: jus to be fair, I know I make fun of others also but my jokes are in general. Never personal attack. and of course I know the other person well enough to make fun of.
p.p.s: think of happy thoughts. happie thots. :)
p.p.p.s: feels better now. don need sympathy. just venting out. mwah!

i <3 you

2009-05-02T14:25:00.007+08:00

so leech and i had a conversation about ppl who were or will be (ahem!) in our past. we talked about what was, what could have been to where we are right now. i was telling her about how i keep myself updated with a particular xx when the conversation came to this...

leech: ohh, he use facebook?
me: yeahh, has always been.
leech: mm, can i add him?
me: errr, why ah?
leech: so that i can message him and say JERKKKK!!

at this point i started laughing really hard...

me: mm, then can i add yy?
leech: can la! i think he knows you cause i tell him about you sometimes.
me: good! then i can message him as well and say ASSHOLE!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
so sweeeeeeet! i love you amanda lai lee chen! (:

Spotted

2009-05-02T00:06:00.006+08:00

Stonehenge

of Malaysia seen in Kuala Selangor ;)

a form of art in the most random place. beats me who did it. happen to take this pic while stopping at the traffic light

it just keeps getting better

2009-04-24T20:37:00.003+08:00

with each passing day, and i don't know if i like the way things are heading because the better it gets, the more afraid i am. sometimes i wonder if it's all in my head, but when you look at me the way you look at me and when you say those things you say to me, it just makes me think that you feel it too.

i wish that this does not have to come to an end, but we both know it's not possible and there will be no end to this.

so maybe, just maybe, you should stop being so nice to me and stop looking at me like you do, then maybe, just maybe, this feeling will go away, someday....

..flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end..

Shoutout

2009-04-21T21:19:00.003+08:00

Nothin beats good company =)
Thanks buddies. U guys know who you are.
I am glad for having gfs, cos without saying anything, they can feel the same emotions.
I am also glad for being a girl. Cos every girl has the license to bi**h. *evil smirk*

I'm not saying this on the spur of the moment but I really appreciate your love and concern.

No matter how gloomy the world is...
I still believe the best is yet to come..

p.s: To think that at the age of 22+, I am still clouded by adolescent problems. Sigh. Haha. So sien!

the magical corridor

2009-04-16T22:50:00.020+08:00

as i push open the door, i caught a glimpse of your face. i sigh loud enough for you to hear me and then just to let the door go.
you stand there, holding the door open with your body, at the same time blocking my way, looking at me the way you always do.
we stand there for a while not saying anything. when the silence became unbearable, i look at you with a smile and say, "hie!"
but you don't move. you just have the same look plastered to your face, seemingly enjoying the moment.
annoyed, i frown and say, "this is me being nice here!" you remain silent but broke into laughter after a while.
you then make way for me to pass through and proceed to walk away.
right before you hit the corner, you turn to me and say loud enough for me to hear, "you know, sometimes you're just too sweet for me."

likewise, babe! likewise! (:

i can't keep my hands off the cookie jar

2009-04-12T21:11:00.006+08:00

i can't even bring myself to justify the kind of things that goes through my mind when you look at me the way you look at me.

why does it feel so damn right when deep down inside, i know it's all wrong?

SIGH!

Moving on

2009-03-24T21:24:00.004+08:00

Sometimes I wish my life is a movie,
I can pause, rewind and forward or just DELETE,
when ever I want or need to.

But now, I just want to move on.
I'm not going to put myself in those situations again. But then again, those situations contributed to the dramas in my life. /crazy
Now, I know I deserve someone better. Yeap! (:
I need to learn how to love myself and put my feelings first.
I need to trust my instinct and most of all, need to take a stand.!

And for the very last time, I've never been in love nor have a bf.
Yes, LOL all you want but I'm just gonna wait for my prince to come.. /shy

No matter what you believe it's true about my life, it's just your bloody assumptions. Unless you clarify with me.

Having say all that, good luck to me and you, my fren!

Chapter close (:

Lazy afternoon

2009-03-18T17:59:00.004+08:00

Today i spent the whole afternoon at Popular Bookstore, reading random general interest books like, 501 cities to visit *not bad, i've visited most of india cities*, When Venus and Mars collide, World's Famous true love stories, Bart Simpson's guide to life etc.

As you can see, I have weird choice of book selections. I've read literatures, non fictions, fictions and heard how others talked bout famous writers and their works and not joining the conversation cos I have not read? but I have nothing to be ashamed of cos that's my interest (: Oh, I like to read autobiographies too but those books need a longer time, understanding and more patience to read. Sometimes, I think my brothers and dad influence my choice of reading cos I'm also fascinated with World War books. They have a whole collection of it including reproduced newspaper cuttings and pamphlets. It's especially fun if I can join in their conversation bout war and how I can also chip in some random information. hehe

So yeah, it's been a long time since I can spend a wonderful day reading books (not medical related) which I'll probably only read once and do not need to pay through my arse (_I_)

^-^V

p.s: truth is there was not much thing to shop. so boring selection of shoes and clothes. bah~

Road trip!

2009-03-11T02:23:00.003+08:00

*As of 3.00am, Wednesday morning*

Current temperature: HOT!

Current mood: Relax with a bit of palpitations due to the accumulated caffeine from the teh-c(b/fast) + kopi-peng (lunch) + iced latte (dinner)

Current location: Sungai Petani, Nick Ho's house, living room

Current friends (Sashi, Ho, Andrew) doing: Playing chinese chess. Mwhahaha!

Not a bad holiday at all. considering it's last minute planning and seriously, the weather is freaking hot. We took our own sweet time starting from Sashi picking me up from Klang, proceeding to Saujana to pick princess Andrew and Nick, then off for breakfast nearby.

Journey started bout 10.30am under the canopy of clear sky towards Ipoh! Land of Hor Fun? Chicken rice? hehe to pick Sohnam and meet up with Avreena. We decided to wait for Sohnam at Ipoh's Jusco shopping complex whixh I find eerily similar to the one in Klang. So not interesting~ Had roti bakar for lunch, though the heart craved for hor fun but the stomach says no~ Fret not, there's always good food in Penang as i psychoed myself *satisfied face*

In Penang, we stopped at Queensbay mall for it's free air-cond while waiting for Gayathri and Gillian and then proceeded to our apartment where we made a reservation for Wednesday nite. After the long traveling hours, we adjourned to our next makan destination at Northam Foodcourt. As much as I wanted to eat Penang food, I found myself ordering this delicious looking German sausage meal! Hahah. Defeated the purpose of coming to Penang. I ate fried oyster tho and it made me swore i'm not eating second class fried oyster in Malacca anymore! *no la, joking only. in desperate conditions, anything will do*

After dinner, we walked along Gurney drive for awhile. It was low tide and the water receeded way back till bout 500m from the sidewalk. The full moon was peeping through few fluffy clouds and its light just shone directly on the receeded sea. It was indeed a beautiful sight. One scene which I've not seen for a very long time. The only bad thing was the hot, still air which "forced" us to seek refuge in the air-conditioned Gurney plaza, which I ended up buying a pair of shoes. After temptations from 3 shopping malls, I am NOT going home empty handed *such a wussy!*

A tad bit of disappointment cos we couldn't find durian. huhu. was expecting so much tho. While searching for durians, we stubled across the many hawker stores along McAllister Road and ate TongYuen for supper. Kinda weird for a supper choice but hey, we've been kinda random since the journey started~

and any thoughts of dieting goes poof in the air. Firstly, after climbing Mount Ledang, I replenished my energy by eating like 7 times a day. Yes, i know it's shit loads but I was constantly hungry k! And Penang, being the island of heavenly food isn't helping at all. Huhuh~

had supper like 2 hours ago. Drank milo only tho. So much liquids inside!

Speaking of Mount Ledang, yes peeps, I've conquered Mount Ledang, formerly known as Mount Ophir in Johor, the 6th toughest in Malaysia k! *Gunung Kinabalu is the 9th toughest. Go figure*

more laters as the journey n story continues!

going to play cards now. buhbye!

Some love pls?

2009-03-02T01:10:00.002+08:00

Nothin I say or do can bring justice to my actions. I know I'm wrong but we all have our drunk moments, do we?

I hate the feeling of not remembering anything
Hate the consequences that follow (try vomiting 10x and bile juice for a change)
Hate being unduly judged
Hate hurting others with my actions

Sigh.
I wanna defend myself but only can admit defeat
I've learned my lessons but why do I feel more like a victim than a perpetrator?
I've so much to say, so much emotions inside but no one to share it

I just wanna go home soon. To my family who loves me no matter what happens, who will support me though i did wrong, for they trust my character and trust that I will change for a better. They are more concern of my well being than themselves. I guess that's unconditional love.

Today, I felt lonely.

I'm glad that I was able to talk to the family while they were having dinner. Bro said dad is waiting for me to go home for Korean food. Mum asked me to get a pair of shoes for my hiking trip..

.... sigh, tonight will be another teary night.

-non-

2009-02-16T20:39:00.007+08:00

They say no reasons are needed when you love someone..

And here I am, having a thousand and one reasons NOT to love someone.

Heck, I dont even know how love feels like. It's more like a taboo word.

The truth is ... we are so similar that we are not compatible.?
I can really be myself, be so comfortable but when two stubborn people get together with minimal tolerance or acceptance and so much expectations, the pressures built up, suppressed inside but in the end, there's really nothin to be done.
Arguments over arguments and we still end up the same...

Call me evil, childish, criticize me or hate me all you want *i even hate myself* but the truth is, sorry, we can only be ....

best friends.

p.s: btw, i dont appreciate friends who pushes me when i say i am not attached. if i am, i will announced k? so stop making fun. back off. how old are you already? blah~