Heavy hearted

"Sometimes you don't get closure. You just move on."

On a certain slow day and BAM!, sentences like this rings true.

I'm thankful for many things but so far 2016 doesn't look too good. Or it could be the PMS talking. *stupid reason but whatever* 😂

It's already February and i hate having uncertainties with plans half hanging. I detest indecisiveness. I want to commit so much but there are so many factors in the decisions I'm making. Ya I know it sounds vague but like I said, this blog is a outlet to vent. Sometimes it's hard explaining things even to the closest friend. The response can be lukewarm and not everyone gets my worries  😥

Another reason for being emo could be the age factor. The dreaded big 3-0 this year. It's not the number but more of what have I accomplished in these years? 😱😱😱 What I can be proud of? Fuh. Will leave this for another day. I vaguely remember at the age of 21 when life seems carefree, 30 seems so far away. So many things to do, long time more till then and *snap* there goes 3 decades.

Need to sort my shit out *not literally* Im trying to add positivity in my life. Just get out and do things that make me happy. And not wait!  I've missed so many opportunities just by waiting. Argh. 😡 Actually I know what I'm doing now is short term happiness. My worries are my long term plans. But I know there has to be a balance or else I'm going to be so stressed out. I also realised from observing behaviour of my closer friends, for one is, being persistent for one's needs. I'm the kind who sadly accepts my bad luck once faced with an obstacle but my friend will argue with absolute positivity. Not the angry kind. I really need to take the 10 secs rule before making decisions. 😤😤😤

Crossing finger for at least one successful plan for this year.

I wanna travel more, love fiercely, live happily!

Leech says HI!

How should I began this post? This is one of those days where live life and be merry mantra is not working.

2015 was considered a blessed year. I traveled to at least 8 countries, dived at least 8 times, moved to a new place, started work at a new department and fell in love..

The last bit could have been better but it ended in a sour note. I was fine being single, living life as it is, surrounded by family and friends, I never ask for anyone to come and sweep me off my feet. I was showered with attention and love and given promises for the future, like a hurricane it came and left, creating chaos n the end but not like he care. Gosh how can someone be so cruel? I wasnt even sure to begin with but decided to give it a try because it was comfortable to say the least. Yet, the guy decided to end it in the most unflattering way, I know I should not dwell in it and its time to move on, the heisnotworthy words had been drill in my brain umpteen times but I couldnt help it. There are days I doubt myself, was I not good enough for him, what went wrong, why I didnt get the answer or closure that I deserve? The anger, hate and sadness come in cycles and I hated it. Sigh. I agree for the fact I wasnt so into him, more on the feeling of having a companion but nobody deserved what I went through. 

I figured the heartache was more of me not seeing it coming and thinking we could have progress more, The memories was short and sweet while it lasted. Heck, maybe in few years down the road, I will read this and laugh at it (like what Ive done for some of my previous blog posts)

So, to get over this shit ass, I say screw you. I know that I have to put my priorities elsewhere, Myself, family and friends. Even as I typed this, I have friends who are checking out on my well being and dishing out realistic life advices and I am truly thankful for that.

Yes money is never enough but Im thankful for a job. Career wise is still in a standstill but Im resilient and I can survive anywhere anyhow, *wah sudden surge of positivity* Crazy friends still remain crazy, even got closer to some. Yes, Im blessed in many ways. 

The year may begin crappy but Im not gonna let it dictate the whole year. 

Here's to a Happy 2016 and many more happy years to come!

Filler post.

I can dive with sharks, cliff dive 8/10/12 meters, ride different types of roller coaster multiple times without second thoughts...

(Bungee jumping and sky diving pending)

BUT

To make me watch horror movies (recently the poltergeist), I need to know the detail story (thank you themovie spoiler.com) and hands-on-eyes 95% of the time.

Usually I'll end up being the joke among the friends for screaming or being surprise at the smallest scary parts. 😫

Work-fie

Being MO-in-charge of green zone during office hours means a chance to dress up. Who says doctors dressed shabbily hey? 
And dressing up for work keeps me motivated. Not for anyone else to see but myself. 

As for yellow zone and red zone, both demand more tomboy-ish androgynous attire due to the job requirement and work load (can't be CPR-ing patients in dress and high heels).

Updated>

It has been brought to my attention that this post was shared somewhere. The ONE time that I decided to post a selfie (Trust me, I dont post work-fie often, usually I'm a mess) and this happened. *sweat* Cant delete it. Oh well. Move along now, 

Elf work.

Profound thought of the day..

"To avoid ironing loads of clothes, one should buy less clothes."

This is after the thought of "buying new clothes to avoid ironing current clothes sooner."

😂😂😂