Holidays!

I have not been camwhoring since I'm back! Arrrggggggghhhh!!...What's wrong with me??

Probably I still miss my Sony Cybershot.. I just can't bring myself to use the new Canon digital camera my mum got for me.. It's not the same.. .. The "feelin" is not there.. =P

Holiday is so far so good.. tried spending equally amount of time with family and friends... Of course more with family .. =D Mum said dad misses me alot but doesn't show. Have to disappoint my dad a bit because he expects me to be more mature. Sorry! Not ready yet.....Dunno why I dont have cravings for food when I'm supposedly deprived from Malaysian food after 6 months of absence... Shopping is never enough cos money is never enough (lame i know)..

Spending time with gtl-iers (or what's left of it) is so manis yet pahit.. Hahahaha.. So far, I've only seen Shwu Tyng (like everyday.. Hahaah), Yattuang (headache) , Pek yee and Mingchoi.. Coming soon to join us is Huiwan and meeting up with me this thursday in pasar malam is my kaki pasar malam Meikuen. Still lights up my day to think that we can still meet up despite havin our own friends and own clicks.. Guess it really depends on how much effort you put in... Oh.. currently my favourite phrase seems to be "GO DIE"... *weird*

I want to use some of my free time doing charity work.. anyone have any practical idea where to start?.. hmm.. i'm going for the terry fox run this sunday (i'll be walking most of the time), so hahah.. dont consider that much as charity.. I want to get involve in something!..

And these few days, I have the tendency to delete my blog. There's just this urge because I dont think I'm myself anymore.. I think I've changed. I'm not carefree, happy go lucky anymore. I'm always depressed, sad and emotional.. Arggh.. I hate all the emotional posts. I dont want people to know my past because there's a huge difference. Different in a whole bad way. I see myself now as a mean person. Really insensitive and insecure. I thought I will outgrow all these insecurities. I thought I'm really enjoying my life but who am I kidding? I'm makin myself miserable all the time.... .. I've changed. Who am I? Really? I spent too much time thinking about others views and opinions and was very afraid of making others sad. In the end, who suffered the most? Me!

I'll use this holiday to find the old leech back! I dont want to be moody and depressed all the time!. If this/that can't happen, so WHAT?! ya.. all this might sound as though I'm reassuring myself (tipu diri sendiri all.. hahah) but I dont give a shit!

This will be the last emotional post I'll post up. No more telling people whts inside. I hate it. I hate it when I start opening and let myself all wobbly and weak. I can't erase the past. Hopefully, I'm strong and smart enough to avoid such stressful period..

SO! the next post you'll read will be a happy, joyous one!