Panic attack!

'Twas the last month of the year.
I'm used to looking forward to this month every year cos it only means birthday, christmas and new year celebrations! but this year, it's different.
Cos, I dont know where will I be at that time.

I need to straighten my life now soon.
Suddenly it dawned upon me that my future is really empty..
Current plan would be work as a HO.. and then? Goshh~
People who have plans to be a specialist are so dedicated and devoted their time into studying and working. They have vision and I dont~ And it scares me.
I'm afraid I dont have what it takes.
I'm afraid of the future.
Crazy I know, cos the future is so general but when I was in medical school, all I aim was to passed. And now when I do, I'm lost.

Straigthen my life means:-

• reorganise my stuff
• stop procrastinating
• have planning, utitilise time to the max
• build up the stamina
• keep my eyes and mind open
• continuous reading. not necessary books but current journals and such

And mostly spend more time with the family cos I know there aint any when work beckons.

Plus, I also need to learn that people lead his/her own life and there's no point imitating theirs. One can only wish them luck. My life is my own, I need to decide fast and I guess, leave the rest to God when Im lost.. Not at this junture but soon! S-O-O-N!