Another bimbo rant

Today, I learn that I need to set my priorities right. Family, studies and friend.

Overbearing anger, raging hormones, flaring of nostrils, fire breathing over unimportant folks really waste one's time and energy.
It is my choice in the end. I can just turn away, walk away, close one eye or both eyes, or push the delete button.

It could be my own distorted thinking but tell me whether it's right or wrong when others take on the important projects but leave the minion jobs to well, minion people i guess? I have no qualms fulfilling my responsibilites and given task because it is my interest in the end, but it really pissed me off to no boundaries when one only takes on job when there's OBVIOUS recognition, albeit hardwork/paperwork etc. Tell me which work one does, does not involve sacrifice hey? I'm not attention seeking but hell, at least inform or update, not keep things hush hush. Sheesh. Power/limelight-crazy people.

Me? Jealous, greedy for credit? Whatever that pleases you but I have voiced my dissatisfaction. Whether my point was made, I'm not sure and am really careless now.

*edited*
sentence bel0w typed out of irrational anger. dont wanna see such hatred and anger in myself.
It really doesnt matter ...
cos in 5 or 10 years time, you definitely will not be in my future

Friendship talk

It holds true that it's not the quantity but the qualtiy of the friendship that counts.
People enter our lives everyday; some might leave or some might stay; some make a difference or impact and some just remain as acquaintance.

I have to confessed that I've been a very lousy friend but am really touched by the concern and love given by my friends.

The other day, I promised Leeky to play squash with her around 6pm and headed to sleep. When the time comes to wake up, I had headache so I messaged her and told her I cant join her. Moments later, subconsicously I checked my phone and saw her replying that it was ok and she left her phone at home. I assumed all is well until the next day, when I met her coincidently in the hospital cafetaria and she joined me for breakfast. She seems like her usual happy mood. Then I left for my class. Told her I would see her in the afternoon. Then during the afternoon class, she was discussing vehemently with Olive but still joked around with me. Dunno why but I felt a tad bit distant. So, after class, she was talking to someone and I took my leave. From across the corridor, she shouted my name and called me over. I happily walked over and she told me in her cheerful but mischievious voice, that she cant stand it when I kept quiet and did not say anything. I told her that I dont understand what she meant. She proceeded to tell me that she waited for me for an hour yesterday evening at the squash court and she left her phone at home. To add on to the injury, Jeremy went for golf. OMG. My heart just fell. I felt so damn bad that I took my friend for granted. huhu. I immediately apologised profusely and offered to treat her teatime *not bribing in anyway but that's the least I can do* I am so glad she told me what happened. I am so glad that she did not "sweep it under the carpet". Over teatime, she told me stories that happened over the weekend while I was away. Sigh. She has every right to feel angry but she did not. I am confused by her actions. hahahah. I really felt relieved and glad that I did not lose her over this mistake (:

Today, Siong bought tickets for Ip Man 2 (which btw, is really a good movie. the kind of movie that gives me an unexplainable good feeling) and I am thankful for that. I think he bought it the second time, for me cos he initially bought tickets for the rest. I didnt know who else was going but only knew Chandan and Gayathri will be there. I did again my stupid habit of asking people out for dinner, a day before and then cancelled the last minute cos was dead tired *class ended late today*

I always assumed that at least they have company, so it's ok BUT I know it's NOT ok to break promises or simply assumed things and it's really a bad habit.

I met up with Gayathri and Chandan, who had their dinner there, at Dataran Pahlawan. There's like 10 minutes more till 9.20pm and I stupidly decided to packed a light dinner to have it in cinema. It took quite sometime and to walk from the stall to the cinema took approximatly 5 mins. Chandan went and took the tickets from the rest while Gayathri accompanied me to wait for my food. We reached the cinema entrance bout 9.27pm *approx la* and Gayathri wanted to go to the bathroom. So, me and Chandan entered first. Thankfully the movie havent started and they were playing advertisements. Siong managed to get the middle row. The rest were already seated. 4 guys including Siong. There was 2 seat empty beside Siong and another one right at the other end. The 4 guys were sitting between the empty seats. SO, I sat with Chandan initially and was surprised with the seating arrangement. I was told that my seat is the single seat at the other end. I DID say, "Er, can't you guys like, move a seat?" NOT that I am creating fuss but shouldn't guys be more gentleman? It's not that by moving a seat, the movie will be distorted. Yes, I know that I came in late but not that the movie has started also. I did not want to make things bad and decided to take the single seat at the other end, beside Chin and a a couple of strangers. I was fuming. Angry.

Tell me if I am overreacting or what? but I only came cos I knew Gayathri and Chandan were going. I did not know who else were there other than Siong who was kind enough to buy the tickets. If I wanted to be isolated, MIGHT AS WELL I BUY MY OWN TICKET AND WATCH ALONE. I wanted to send a long message and complained to Leeky *that also felt bad for not watching with her* but decided not too cos my AINO screen is damn huge. People beside me will be able to see what I've wrote. haha. I sent a SMS to Gayathri though. I felt so angry. Call me irrational or dramatic, whatever k! Chandan was so nice to offer to switch places. Made me feel bad cos I dont want to separate the couple. Told them it was ok but they insisted. 2 mins into the show, we switched places. I felt worse cos they were sharing popcorns and drink and now they are seating at both ends, with 5 of us in between. Sigh.

After the movie ended, the couple accompanied me to my car although their car is at the other end. My gosh. I felt so touched.

Thank you, my friends.

This post is really to remind myself not to take things for granted (:
and to announced their good deeds. haha

What I've been up to?

Looks like I'm blogging on a weekly basis. Lol.

Starting from Wednesday night, was invited to Sum's birthday celebration. Had dinner at Simply Fish and proceeded to jetty for karaoke session.

It has been a long time since I went for karaoke session. The first time was with my ex-colleagues (3 girls). They sang Chinese songs and the banana me can only READ out a few simple chinese words and that too, the next sentence will appear. I do know how to sing Jay Chou's "Cloudy day/Qing Tian" *bits and pieces ler*

The second time was with 4 members of gTLiers (Yat tuang, MingChoi, Li Yee and Shin Fei). It was crazy boyband era songs man. We 80's babies do have many cheesy yet memorable songs to sing our hearts out. Backstreet Boys, Westlife, Spice Girls etc HAHAH What outing would it be without photo session following suit? hehe

This time around, the karaoke session was initially dominated by the guys but in the end, only me, Leeky and Alvin were last ones standing. Sum was knocked out earlier after countless shots of whisky. Leeky and I had our fair share of drinks, she just went from idle to energizer bunny with tomato flushed face. We sang our hearts and lungs out (without shoes) to Linkin Park. And the best part was, the huge room (the one's at the corner, literally on Straits of Malacca) was empty except for 3 of us and it was raining thunderstorms outside. Hardcore man. Seriously had so much fun, rocking the night away *insert graphics of me playing electric guitar like a pro*!

It was initially just a normal Wednesday night where Leeky and I planned for our "Ladies nite" but somehow the plan evolved to fit in many other activities. We had Baskin Robbins then played squash, followed by dinner. Supposed to meet up with Gayathri for drinks with her entourage at Jonker's too but managed to persuade her join the gang in Pure bar. hehe. *kinda busy night*

Leeky and I decided at 12 am to drop by Arena but they charge cover-charge for guys. Since Alvin was following us, we skipped the idea and headed to Pure bar. Thank goodness the heavy rain had stopped. So, we continued partying away in Pure bar. That place used to be so good. Now it's just like a mini Indonesia. My gosh. How can they allow Muslims to drink and dance there? If any JAIM members see this (not that they'll chance upon this), PLEASE raid that place on Wednesday night. And if Pure Bar management see this, do something before the crowd moves away.

//

On Thursday, Olive's family invited me and Leeky over for dinner. Her parents are always welcoming. Homecooked food was delish! Really appreciate this friend of mine who has been always kind to us. Thank you so much.

//
Friday was spent hanging out with the bestie.
Leeky sneaked out of Dr Wong's class, just to have breakfast and wanted to go back after breakfast. We even thought of excuses incase he found out. Was utterly talking rubbish in cafetaria until her groupmates came in, informing her that class has ended.
We then decided to do some productive work and Imanaged to drag her to Coffee Bean (not that I like that place but I had a buy1 free 1 coupon) lol!

An effeminate guy sat at the table next to us and had a tattoo of Maneki Neko, Japanese welcoming cat, on the extensor aspect of his right forearm. WTF? hahahaha
Seriously, how does he wave and say Hi? Up down or left right?

Night entertainment was spent at Tesco, snatching cheap toilet rolls from aunties. Not me, the friend.

//
Saturday was another day spent in another coffee outlet, my all-time favourite, Starbucks.
How can you not like Dark Mocha or Javachip? Current love is Dark Mocha! Weee~
Barista was kind to let us try their new product which was some espresso affogato with coffee beans, topped with espresso whip cream, sprinkled with espresso powder. I tell you man, it's so crazy stuff. We went back around 5.30pm. Iwas on my bed from 6pm till 8.30pm, the body was out/flat/sour but the brain was working like it's on steroids. Woke up and found out that my dearest friend, Leeky, had the same problem. Hahahahha

It was so much fun realising that we are so compatible! We had been wearing similar styles twice this week although we have totally different fashion taste and wardrobe.

Decided to go over her place and do some work. Was offered alcohol but actually being guinea pig for the bartender wannabe. She mixed vodka with pink guava juice, apple juice and mixture of both. I had to drink it all. Madness. Spent bout 30 mins fighting, rolling on the bed, waiting for caffeine to wear off and stealing my warmth before we actually fall asleep.

//
Sunday
Woke up for church. Realised there was a minor confusion but resolved nevertheless. Connected to God again.
Had organised a visitation to the old folks' home in the afternoon for Student Council.

I seriously do not understand how does people, after withdrawing their parents hard-earned EPF money, can actually throw them in the streets?
Or how do montrous children abandon their parents when they are well-to-do and living comfortably?
Even if they use the excuse of lack of time due to work to put their parents in the old folks' home, at least visit them often, drop by or pay a minimal fee for their management!

It's such a heartache seeing old people tearing up when they speak about their children who abandon them. Children who are grown up, independent and lead a successful life. Do they not know that THEY to will grow OLD? and I pray that one day the same thing will bestow them!

And I really appreciate volunteers who sacrifice their time, patience, money and life to take care of this unfortunate citizens. That include students who volunteered their time today. There's definitely a difference we made, the smile on their faces say it all and that's the reward we get. The old folks' needed companion, someone to talk to, to feel important or significant and not to be forgotten.

I am positive that during the journey back in the college bus, everyone was feeling happy and contented, because I did. The atmosphere was different from the time when we were on the way towards the home. It was arterall a lazy Sunday afternoon (:

I felt a little gesture does made a difference. I am glad the old folks' had new mattresses to sleep on (donation of used but good condition matteresses from the college), entertained by our presence and performances and had fun talking to us.

I learn to apppreciate my parent and granparent more today.
It brings me tears to know that one day we will be parted. Hence, it's best to enjoy every moment with them.

1st week of March

Oh, wow! I have a confession to make.
Last Saturday was the worse public outburst I had in years.

I had a bad week. I've been sick for 5 days and on porridge diet just to fill my stomach for medication. Thursday was the only day where I attended proper full day class and my condition worsen in the evening and I had to see the doctor again. I saw a doctor on Tuesday night and was given a course of antibiotics which wasn't strong enough.

I had fever on and off, with chills, followed by profuse sweating, lethargy and the cycle repeats itself. Top it off with dry cough and running nose. Second doctor gave me a stronger course of antibiotics and gave the option of admitting into hospital. No way I'm gonna waste my time on bed any longer. Thankfully, I was fine for the weekend.

Saturday, family came down for bro's orientation. Had a fulfilling and happy outing day, acting tourisy :), ending it off with scrumptious seafood meal.


Went to Alicia's belated birthday dinner at bout 8.30pm after family had went back. Overall, party was fun but there were few people who ticked me off. Seriously, whatever happen in my life is my life. I do not need you to blabber about me. If I really wanted people to know, I'll tell it myself. It is afterall, story bout me. Yeah. I got close with a guy and everyone saw. So? I was happy, if you want to know. I don't mind the friendly teasing *yes, talking bout some of you ^^* but some people really get on my nerves. If you regard yourself as my friend, at least have the decency to talk properly about me. If not, buzz off. I do not need you to publish about my life online. I can do it myself. Stop being a jealous sport. Bluek. Urrgh. How I wish I have to courage to say it to that person personally.

I really wanted to go home bout 12.30am but decided to stay longer as wished by the birthday girl (: Then, again wanted to go home at 2.00 am and again at 3am but there were factors stopping me *my own free will to stay back, dont get me wrong and I know friends who really enjoy my company - self-praised* And sometimes, I dunno why there must be a point in the any party for me to prove that I've been drinking. People refused to believe that I've drank a lot just because I've been standing straight and behaved properly. Trust me. I drank enough for a person who has yet to recover fully. Finally, when I decided to leave *i do have church in the morning* , again there were factors stopping me. I just... exploded, "Why can't I freaking make my own decision to leave? and some other stuff". Sounded like a primadonna rite? hahaha. And I can hear myself fuming in anger. Urggh.

The worse part was, I wasn't even high, forget bout drunk and am fully aware of what is happening. HAHAHA The utter embarassment.

Ok. My point is, it wasn't my intention to throw tantrums but I guess there were several factors that lead to the outburst. Sigh. I've said my apologies to the relevant parties or rather innocent victims who had to endure my screams.

In the end, after telling my closest friends, they are the one who truly understand me without me explaining why I did what I did although it was wrong.

I take it to my onus to confess cos I really felt bad for expressing my frustrations on random people.


Lessons to be learn:
- next time leave quietly. report once reach home safely.
- alcohol might cure what ever sickness you have but it definitely worsen coughs.
- anger once released, cannot be retracted.
- some people will remain unimportant in one's life. let them remain that way.

Happier moments

xoxo

URGH!

I wanna screammmmmmmmm.. arrghhhhh!!!!!!!..
Apparently things should remain confidential after the "meeting" esp nothin should be on facebook. Try to control this bast*rd and bit*hes!!!
This is my blog. My online diary of somesort.
Even politicians can blog bout their opinion. Heard of blogging freedom? If you dont like, create you own blog and diss me. Furthermore, no names are mentioned. Not gonna pollute my beloved blog with such names.

Today is my first time seeing a pseudo-lawyer (albeit not his business - not in our group, not even our batch but talked like he has YEARS of experience and he is only a "close" friend) in action.

I have no friends to talk to, everyone boycott me, although not directly but from their facial expression, I can feel it. sob sob *please sense the SARCASM*

Freaking childish rite? "villain" actress have to involve a lecturer cause she knows she will end up dead, talking to us *i will personally pull her hair, not because i am uncivilised but because she's a pain in the ass* I thought I was gonna have an outburst there but LOL, other members were more boiling hot than me. * pat on the back for myself for controlling my anger*

I was apparently being biased towards the 2 accused people cos I have been standing on their side and not saying anything pleasant to her ears but i'm s000 sorrie hor *sarcasm again*, they are my friends while you are nothing. And please, I do have a BRAIN to think for my own. I KNOW what is right or wrong or in this case, downright RUBBISH.

I did not say much cos firstly, once you involve a lecturer in such a personal matter *laughing stock man, even primary school kids dont do that*, it has been a bias already. Secondly, we will never know what the lecturer will do in the exams, and wouldn't wanna be a target in exams.

She says we ( the other group members were never involve). We are very much involved cos we were accused of boycotting/bullying her, although not directly but apparently she feels it, she sense it from our facial expression and she is very sad bout it. YO B*TCH. Now you even wanna control our freedom of speech is it? Seriously, how can 9 others be at fault when you yourself feels pitiful bout youself, using this trick to gain sympathy from the male slut. *I am amazed by my own anger*

Like I said, how can people not see the wolf disguised as a sheep? As we all predicted earlier on, she teared while talking bout her sad story. Oh man, I wish I have tears too, tears of frustration and anger but I guess the boiling temperature in me has boiled the tears dry.

I am partially mad cos I was not able to stand up for my friends although they've been wronged but I am glad that the lecturer has sense to know what's going on. The lecturer said she-devil can't force us to like her. So true.

The whole "meeting" was apparently to solve her issues. Yes man. We have to tolerate her, show her kindness and love, understand her financial situations and her stresses, include her in our conversations cos WE made her unable to study. Only one word to describe my feelings: WOW!

The problems, all the accusations was not solve cos we were not there to point fingers but to make her feel better and understand her situation. Awww....

I dont know what the other group members will think or will do but I am already treating her "good" by NOT acknowledging her presence. Force me, bite me but she can kiss my sorry ass man! Want me to be her friend? Nah *puuuuuuuuttttt* but.. she is afterall in my group, *puppy eyes* I will answer her if she ask any questionS regarding study matters. Have to tell her though, she needs to pay me for my expressions. It's not free. Oh wait, then again, I might be called up by the lecturer.. Hmmmm...


Then again, I do not wanna hold a grudge on her. Will only make myself suffer. In the end, I know, we know. That's what matters.

I had an intense headache after the meeting. Thot I was gonna faint due to raised intracranial pressure!. So much anger!!

p.s: i have a secret. ask me personally n I will tell you. but shhh.. dont tell any one k. (:

Bottle It Up

"how are you?"

"i am many things. i am angry. i am sad. i am disappointed. i am frustrated. i am confused. i am doubtful. i am going craaaazyyyyyyyy!!!"


xxx

so much dramas have been going on lately i feel all drained out. left, right, up, down, inside, outside. i feel like a ticking bomb just waiting to explode.

ARRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(