Panic attack!

'Twas the last month of the year.
I'm used to looking forward to this month every year cos it only means birthday, christmas and new year celebrations! but this year, it's different.
Cos, I dont know where will I be at that time.

I need to straighten my life now soon.
Suddenly it dawned upon me that my future is really empty..
Current plan would be work as a HO.. and then? Goshh~
People who have plans to be a specialist are so dedicated and devoted their time into studying and working. They have vision and I dont~ And it scares me.
I'm afraid I dont have what it takes.
I'm afraid of the future.
Crazy I know, cos the future is so general but when I was in medical school, all I aim was to passed. And now when I do, I'm lost.

Straigthen my life means:-

• reorganise my stuff
• stop procrastinating
• have planning, utitilise time to the max
• build up the stamina
• keep my eyes and mind open
• continuous reading. not necessary books but current journals and such

And mostly spend more time with the family cos I know there aint any when work beckons.

Plus, I also need to learn that people lead his/her own life and there's no point imitating theirs. One can only wish them luck. My life is my own, I need to decide fast and I guess, leave the rest to God when Im lost.. Not at this junture but soon! S-O-O-N!

Alternate resume

Was in Starbucks, trying to do our resume for SPA interview and this is what LIM LEEK MEI wrote while I'm not looking at her..


BIODATA
Nama: AMANDA LAI LEE CHEN
I/C : 861221-XX-XXXX
ADDRESS : KLANG
NATIONALITY : CHINA
OCCUPATION: INDONESION MAID
RACE : UNKNOWN
HOBBIES : BEING RACIST
FAVORITE FOOD : PORK, EGGS..PS : MUST B FRIED OR HALF BOILED..NOT ANYTHIN ELSE!!
FAVORITE UNDERWEAR : G-STRING

*smacks forehead.. hers though* ahahahha

Hope

I am sensitive like that.
Some entries brought me to tears. T.T
Taught me to be patient, to appreciate the people I have around me especially family and friends (shoutout to especially one: where can you find a friend who is willing to peel grapes and apples so that I'll have all the vitamins I need, knows what food I dislike and particularly like and cheer me on like no one had before AND save me from ultimate boredom with her countless lameness, selfless is a the only word i can think of, plus constantly nagging at me so that I'll drink water *insert motherly mode*AND the ultimate gesture will only be revealed on her wedding, list could go on but then it'll be too lesbo! hahhaha to LEEKY LIM) and most of all, to trust God.

Despite the fact that the speaker who gave a talk today on "How to start as a houseofficer or *scratch head* something like that?", gave a glimpse of harsh reality awaiting the new houseofficers and me being discouraged a bit on how we have to manipulate our true feelings just to survive the everyday life, to the point that you tend to suspect whether it's the person's sincere feelings/intentions or a facade! because I've been despising those people all along (buttering their way up, butting into everyone's business, the I-am-the-know-it-all-its'allaboutme/me/me kind of people) and constantly reminding myself that I'll never be like them BUT I guess a little bit of optimism, loads of close-one-eye and AVOIDANCE are what encourages life on.
So, instead of seeing it as "buttering/bootlicking" I can take it as purely praising out of a sincere heart and the act of "butting into everyone's business" as purely concern or "I-am-the-know-it-all-important-person" as lack of attention/ deluded? HAHAHAHHA *vomits blood from trying too hard to accept*
I do get the point of weighing the pro and cons in everything one does *an achievement I can be proud of for able to fliter many things ought not to be mention* plus change when necesaary to adapt to the circumstances.

On another note, while doing a respiratory examination on a Swedish man of approx. 70 years old today, I asked him to say "Ninety-nine" and in repetition. He cheekily alternates "99" with "Eleven-eleven" and when we (Leeky and Olive) wanted to do percussion, in lay man's term, we told him we'll "knock" his chest a bit. With his thick accent and rusty voice, it took us quite sometime to understand that he was trying to say, "Open the door and come in" (KNOCK KNOCK, COME IN? geddit?) *insert awkward smile followed by laughter*

Back to the topic at hand!
If you have time to spare or feeling despair (hak hak) or simply wanna go, "AAwwwwwww", feel free to run through some of it (:

LoveGivesMeHope
GivesMeHope

Few of my favourites:

No. 1
I thought I was pregnant, and I was scared to death.
We’ve only been together for a year and I didn’t know if we were ready to have a baby and how you really felt about me and our future.
My doubts, and fears, disappeared when you kissed my belly and whispered ” If you’re in there. I love you.”
JW, your loving heart GMH. I love you.

No. 2
Last December, my mom committed suicide after a lifelong struggle with depression.
Yesterday, I found a picture of my mom holding me when I was a baby, her forehead touching mine, eyes closed, smiling in complete bliss. On the back she wrote “I love you always -Mommy.”
Mama, your never-ending love GMH.

No. 3
I am a third grade teacher.
Most kids come in with notes or messages written by their mothers in their lunch sacks.
One little girl's dad left, and her mother abuses drugs. But her 12 year old brother never fails to write "I love you" on her brown paper bag.
He GMH.

No. 4 (Medical Related!)
A 74 year old man has an rare antibody in his plasma that stops babies dying from Rhesus disease, a form of severe anaemia. He has donated plasma almost 1000 times since he was 18 years old. He has saved an estimated 2.2 million babies so far.
James Harrison, you GMH.

No. 5
My girlfriend and I were in the drive thru of a restaurant when we saw a homeless man begging for food.
As soon as we got our food she asked me to pull over and she gave the homeless man her meal.
When I asked her why she did that she simply said, " I can go home and eat a sandwich, he can't."
Her compassion for others GMH

*Wipe tears and mucus*
Leave you guys to that. Nites.
Feeling a fever creeping in. Counter attacked with PCM :(

Smokers, sheesh!

Watched a movie today.
Inception is one mind-boggling piece of art. I have so many questions but who will answer them?

Anyways, the movie is not the agenda today.
Jeremy and Leeky were seated to my left in the cinema. On my right, were a bunch of people who came 10 mins late, went out 2 to 3 times during the movie despite knowing or oblivious to the fact that every single detail is so important and coming back to the cinema smelling like cigarette smoke.

Nevertheless, the movie finished. I went to the bathroom while Leeks and Jeremy waited for me. While catching the lift down, there was a group of people standing behind us. I thought I smelled smoke which reminded me of the idiot who sat beside me in the cinema.

Me: The guy beside me in the cinema went out and came back smelling like cigarette smoke.
Leeky: Yeah! The smell was so strong. Only 2 hours long movie also cannot stand the temptation.
Me: So desperate!

This followed by giggles coming from 2 or 3 girls standing behind us, in the lift. I just kept quiet sensing something is wrong or else, my tirade of rants will probably continue.

As soon as we exit from the lift, the girls were laughing at their guy friends and we were figuring out what just happened.

Apparently, Leeky saw smoke coming out from the guy who was standing at behind me. He was trying so hard to withold the smoke in him while I was busy bitching bout the other guy. They were whispering in Mandarin whilst our conversation was in English. So, I guess they thought we wouldnt understand what they say somehow.

Sorry la brader. Didn't you know it's also common sense or plain courtesy not to smoke in the lift?
I wasnt talking bout you but since you felt it too, I say, very goood! Even if in my slightest imagination it is really the guy who sat beside me in the cinema, my whole purpose is for him to know what I have in mind. Piece of junkie!

I have nothing against smokers but please be sensitive to others cos we prefer NOT smellling like we just came out of a sauna filled with cigarette smoke and worse part is the smell lingers in the hair, clothes!

Brotherly love

My youngest brother, Kenneth, sms-ed me just now, to kind of show-off..
Just the other day we were discussing bout the possibilities of having 3 CSIs' combined in one: Miami, New York and Las Vegas, oblivious to the fact that there IS such thing, called the CSI Trilogy *whheeee, mad excitement!*, which I subsequently googled and read the synopsis. (: My favourite is still CSI Las Vegas but since Grisom left, my heart turned cold *geli max*

*below is the exact conversation we had*

Bro: 3 CSI team going to solve a case together.. woohoo
Me: Really? So nice! What show?
Bro: CSI Trilogy
Me: Yor. I wanna watch! Huhuhu
Bro: U got exams. aww
Me: Shut up biatch
Bro: I'll help you record in my brain
Me: If you have one... HAHAHAHAH
Bro: Zzz I hate you
Me: But but I lovve you Ken
Bro: ...

HAHAHAHA I know it's lame but I just find the conversation funny. hehe
Now, where can I get my hands on that 3 episodes?..

Crazees!

Another random stopover to unwind a hectic week, though it was only midweek. LOL
Yeah. Had a round of cocktails, bought Heineken, fend off friendly guys who bought us a bucket of Tiger beer (took one bottle only, but they came over to refilled it), another group who wanted to dance and an old uncle who refused to take NO for an answer despite refusing his offer for free drinks and join his group, THREE times.

It's quite safe cos there's bouncers and waiters checking our well-being every 10 mins or so. And we dont simply take free drinks unless it's open by the waiter in front of our eyes and of course to avoid the obligation to join them.

Guy A: You girls are not from around?
Us: No. From KL *put on thick English accent*
Guy B: Oh. Studying?
Us: Yeap. MMU.
Guy B: What's your names?
Us: Jun and Apple *chuckles*
Guys: You girls cant really speak Chinese?
Us: Nope. Minimal. Sorry guys. We are lesbians We just wanna have fun among ourselves.
Guys: *kinda gentleman* Dont worry. We are good guys. Have fun!

Harmless fun k?
Songs were good. Live band was great. Filipinoes can really sing!
A great night indeed especially with Korean instant noodles with tons of chilli padi as supper *highlight of the night!* Yum!

Failbooking.com

This is so funny, I just had to share. Hehe

Sagittarius!

Sagittarius Personality Profile: Astrological Characteristics of Those Born November 22 - December 21

Someone sent me this link.
The characteristics described were kinda accurate.
I am aware of some and hope to acquire others.

Totally digging these parts, "Love of travel" and 'Suited for non traditional environments"

Sagittarians love to travel and often believe that it is a better educator than school. They like to meet people in foreign lands and learn foreign languages. When traveling, they’d rather camp out with the locals than set up in a fancy hotel. Most Sagittarians also like outdoor pursuits such as hiking, camping or kayaking.

Sadly, lack the moolah. Supposed to have a piggy-bank for travelling purpose but the syilllings hardly able to even pay for airport tax.

Sagittarians often have trouble with traditional 9-5 careers. They will not follow the rules if they don’t believe that the rules are right and just. They have the courage to speak up for their convictions and fight for what they believe in, which can lead to clashes with authority. They are also very physical and have trouble with staying put in an office chair for hours on end. Sagittarians have a constant need for movement and novelty, and these requirements should be taken into account when planning a career.

I cannot picture myself staying put. I need to move, wriggle, crawl, golek.

I laughed-out-loud at this particular sentence about "Addictive and sensation seeking", which I felt was personally directing to me. Ouchhh.!

Sagittarians seek the next challenge and the next big adrenaline rush, and in some cases this sensation seeking can lead to drug abuse. Additionally, although they are energetic, physically strong, muscular and naturally athletic, many become fat or even obese *shit ass, NO WAY*through overeating and drinking. Alcoholism is a common Sagittarian ailment, as they don’t know when to stop and don’t listen to the signals their bodies send them. *my Indian liver never fails me though*

Click the link to read on further. Maybe get to know me more. *cough* HAHAHA
Give yours a try too.

Someone

[source]

someone will come for you.
someone will run miles for you,
someone will be looking out for you.
someone will only have the eyes for you.

someone will bring you breakfast,
sit with you through lunch and
dream with you till dinner.

someone will make you milk to make it easier for you to sleep at night,
though you dont really need it.
someone will drink coffee with you and doze off together the next second.

someone will bring out the cooler in you,
will walk with you in a park,
fly a kite and joke till dawn with you.
someone will hail the cab,
take the train and seat beside you on a plane.

someone will cook for you, laugh with you
and cry the night with you.

someone will have a drink ready for you whenever you meet,
will share your food, eat your leftovers and would love to
eat desserts with you.

someone will say a prayer for you.
someone will cheer you on and encourage you.
someone will whisper sweet nothings to you,
and have a bear hug ready, everytime you feel like falling.

someone will fight for you and fight with you.
someone will hurt you one day but making up will be fun to do.
someone will cherish you.
someone will write a poem, a song or a rap for you.

someone will take pictures with you and pictures for you.
someone will go shopping with you, getting the illest kicks and stuff with you.
someone will marry you, and dressing up as a couple will be so fun to do.

someone will eventually appear.
someone will love you.
somewhere.
someday.
someone will be waiting for you.

over space, over time and beyond the lightyears...
someone will be consistent in loving you.

take heart,
someone is already planned for you,
and that someone is just finding the right time to appear,
in front of you.

Filler

I should just smack myself in the head.

How many times I've told myself not to procrastinate and here I am doing tons of backlog work all due today! (like another 4 hours to dawn) Plus another visit to the doc for me cough and after-class meeting with HOD of Ortho department.

6 discussions, 2 postnatal case and power point presentation, an unwell body with TB-like dry cough plus a bed that is within close proximity. Not good at all. Tsk tsk.

Whine whine whine. yadda yadda yadda. *fuuuuh*

Just need to ramble my thoughts off.

Arrgh. I cant wait for Friday!

Sup?

It's funny that when I think that I had grasped the concept of friendship (after going through a few bad ones), whether it's acceptance or tolerance, the boundaries are still so vague.

I thought I can accept a friend as her/his ownself but it's not easy. How do you tell a friend you do not like her/his ways when she/he does not see the fault? It is afterall their cumulative and cultivated character and habits over the years.

Confused. Will I be known as a hypocrite if I still be friends but distant at the same time cos of the thoughts?
I guess being myself is the safest bet. *whatever that means*
I know I am full of flaws too but I am definitely up for suggestions and changes if I deem reasonable le.

Then there's always avoidance. Like some people who I do not find need to acknowledge. Mean~

RRrr!

Need-to-hide-the-laptop-in-a-far-away-hard-to-reach-secluded-secret-place-where-i-can't-get-it-cos-I-am-addicted-to-the-net-h-e-l-p-m-e-cos-I-will-be-the-one-who-keeps-it-and-bring-it-out-in-the-end-such-weak-willpower-I-have

/cries/emo/bangs head

this-is-a-public-distress-call. hu-hu-hu

Ramblings

The smell of the air after a night of rain was refreshing this morning. Thought it was gonna be a good day..

Had ophthalmology OPD at Peringgit Clinic today.
"TVB best villain actress" thought that she should remind us why she was given the award by presenting us (the other group members) with another drama. Apparently she paid someone in the group RM 100 monthly for transportation fee to Muar till she does not have enough money to spend on food.? O.o. Wht nonsense. Sigh. Although I do not share car with her but seriously, it does put a bad light on our names where else she received all the pity from others. It angers me that there're such people in the world where they act all "innocent and cute", with such screwd mind and heart but they do get what they want in life. A-N-Y-W-A-Y-S, it's not my concern as long as I do not hear rumours bout me "bullying" her or somesort.

*throwing it aside*

I feel so inadequate today. How to sit for the coming exams? Physically and mentally exhausted. And time is running out.
Pardon the panic mode here cos I jus found out the amount of shitloads I need to study and practice. T________T

Spotted

Stonehenge

of Malaysia seen in Kuala Selangor ;)

a form of art in the most random place. beats me who did it. happen to take this pic while stopping at the traffic light

Music to my ears

It's been a long time since I really like a Mandarin song..
This song is nice.
So does the drama. =)

Shu Yu, Fish Leong

p.s: I'm unsure bout the lyrics tho.. huhuh.. somethin bout belonging?

Small talk

Finding kakis for dinner one night,

Me: Eh wanna go for dinner?
Mr. Santa Ho: With who else?
Me: Edward and me. He dont eat kan? I need ppl to eat with me.
Mr. Santa Ho: Err...

*btw, edward is ed cullen from Twilight.. *swoon*

Sometimes I forget that I'm over the teenage years.. ouch...

One of those rumblings

Seriously, 24 hours is just not enough.
Doubling it will be nice.
Another 24 hours just for sleeping.
But when I actually have the extra time, it is spend on everything else.... except sleeping..
Sometimes I am a little sadistic. I like to push my body to the limit and stretch my time and .. I enjoy it.. All those last minute work etc.
I really deserve feeling fatigue..

I have so much work to do, all the willpower to do it but lack the physical strength. Yomeishu? Chicken essence perhaps? Nah. Good ol' sleep should do the trick... or a good massage?
I know some will digress with the fact of spending time sleeping cos it's such a waste of time. Oh shaddup hypocrites. It's not cool proclaiming such "facts" and keep your opinion to yourself k? thx.

end


P.s:
Apanda: Exert too much (not in anyway talking to XYZ)
XYZ: *passes by* Overexert

Apanda: *thinks to self* ....

david cook is <3

It's five minutes to one but guess what I have been doing.

.
.
.
.


Watching David Cook's videos on youtube!!!!!! :D

I don't care what you think lah okay. He is just so damn amazing lah OMGGGGGG!



all i really need is you too, david love. <33333

*melts*

David, please marry MEEEE!!!!!!!

Le sigh.

conversation gone wrong

It was a tiring day.
I was having a short conversation with a friend to take my mind off things when the conversation lead to this.

Friend: Okay, as long as you're happy.
Me: Eh, that sounded so familiar! Is it from a movie?
Friend: NOO!
Me: EHHH, I KNOWW! It's from Made of Honour! 'If you're happy, I'm happy.'
Friend: Are you from Pearl Harbour?
Me: Huh? NO!
Friend: Oh, cause I thought you're the bomb.


-______-"

why is my friend like that!!! ):

Everything

Many songs come and go.

Some songs with catchy rhythm, upbeat music, meaningful lyrics, songs-for-the-sake-of-singing or just plain irritating; can really stick in the mind. I'm not talking bout the song Umbrella by Rihanna. That gotta be the 2nd irritating song next to Celcom Ex-advertisement "Gimme gimme gimme what i want" Ring a bell? I'll gladly take the umbrella from Rihanna and hit the fella behind the most irritating song with it.

Anyway, the point of this post is, Everything, by Michael Buble is playing in my mind, hanging at the tip of my voice box, causing tingling sensation in my stomach and I'm hearing it everywhere...! I'm so in love with the song. Michael Buble's voice is so appropriate for such sentimental songs... * leech in cloud nine*

Why is this song special?.... cos it stirs a feeling in me.. make me wanna fall in love.. fast!

How I wish to make a person feels like that... to be a person's everything.. =)

Till the day anyone dedicate this song to me, I can only self-shiok to keep myself happy ..hahaha ..... *humming/singing out loud, totally off key*

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

Highly recommended X)

Current mood: Sunshiney + flowery~