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General Manager,
Tanglin Mall,
Cuscaden Properties Pte Ltd,
163 Tanglin Road #B1-16A
Singapore.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I would like to apply for the position of CHIEF LIGHT SWITCH OPERATOR during the Christmas season at Tanglin Mall.
I have long been a great admirer of the way you so tastefully decorate the outside of your mall. It is the highlight of my Christmas and I would be honoured if you would allow me to swtich the Christmas lights on and off every evening during the celebrations.
The switching on and off of the lights brings so much joy to the people of Singapore that I would like to be a part of that happiness by applying for this position and would therefore be prepared to take up the post without financial reward.
It goes without saying that you probably have qualified electricians among you staff who you think are more than capable of switching on and off the Christmas lights. I would have to disagree that they are best people for the job, and here's why:
I am 38 years old and since about the age of 5 I have been switching on and off lights. Because I was a tall 5 year old I have at least a years more experience of switching on lights than the majority of people my age. While they were standing on tiptoes struggling to reach the light button I was already pushing the switch confidently.
You may not know that I practice switching on and off the lights in my aopartment everyday. Yes, my electric bill is a bit more expensive but I think it is important to get the technique just right so that the lights go on and off without the flickering you get with inexperienced light switch operators. It is absolutely crucial that the index finger is straight and braced for the impact. Any flexing in the phalanges or metacarpal bones of the hand will result in poor switching technique.
I would also like to bring to your attention that I can switch lights on and off with both hands should there be multiple switches to press.
I have enclosed a stamped addressd envelope for you reply.
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Pendle
*I would say, mad man*
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Oh wait, that's not all of it. There's the reply too. I think this letter is real and you will too after reading the reply from the management.
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Tanglin Mall
Dear Mr. Pendle,
RE: CHRISTMAS LIGHT UP AT TANGLIN MALL
Thank you for your letter and your offer to assist us to operate our light switches for our Christmas decoration.
It is indeed an honour to receive such a request and to know that our Christmas decoration has garnered so much interest form customers and well-wishers. However, since our Christmas lights are programmed on automated timer, we do not engage any staff for the task of manual switching of our Christmas lights.
Nevertheless, we would really like to thank you again for your enthusiasm and would welcome you to our mall to enjoy the Christmas lights, which will be on from bla bla to bla bla.
Best wishes.
Yours sincerely,
Cuscaden Properties Pte Ltd.
Jenny Ng (Ms)
Centre Director.
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Cool hey?? Funny hey? Worth the reading hey?.. If you failed to laugh, you ought bang your head on the wall.
Since Chinese New Year is around the corner (4 more days), try re-reading the letters above changing Christmas to Chinese New Year, Tanglin Mall to Sungei Wang Mall and Christmas decorations to Tanglungs, God of Prosperity and so on.. there you have it.. maybe i can try to send it to our local Jusco. Just to see what's their reply... in bm?
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