I am stilll... alive

I am still alive. WHAT THE HECK? what kind of title is that? That's the kind of title you'll get when u can't think of any other or after a long period of absence. At least for lazy bums like me. The more I read the title, the more I feel irritated and I love being irritated especially by myself. Mwahahha. Cheap thrill.

Tick tock tick tock tick tick. The clock is ticking till the day I leave. What, maybe, 3 or 4 more weeks? Not that I am counting but my family, friends and colleagues are already planning my farewell parties. No more tv, no more mamak, no more partying, no more shopping spree, no more lazying around. Yes to returning to study days, yes to embarking to a whole new journey. Yes to moving on to a new phase. Yes to suffering for the next five years and rest of the subsequent years. Yes to saving lives. Yes to dedication to helping the helpless. Argghh. No pain no gain. Life is all about giving and taking. Excuse me if I sounds like a cheesy philosopher. I'm just trying to reassure myself here. I am grateful, very grateful for having the support of everyone who knows me, to study medicine, especially my family. However, I'll be lying if I dont feel a thing for forgoing the opportunities to study in Australia, Ireland or UK. Then again, give and take. Those countries did not offer me what I want and no matter where I study, as long as I will still be doctor and able to help people and earn a decent living, then there shouldn't be any problem. Again, I'll be lying if I say the status of being a physician is not inviting *boy, havent even start studying and I'm already day-dreaming*But this is all I've got to keep me going. I'm also very afraid of losing friends. We will not be that close anymore. I make friends easily but i am most comfortable within my own geng. Maybe because I have accepted their weaknesses and likewise. I know I cannot expect them, not to change cos I'll be a changed person too but i just hope our friendship really last forever. They say friendship comes and go, but I hope mine stay.

"I am not what I think I am. I am not what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am."

Speaking of friends, some see me as reliable and capable of handling difficult situations. I have good sense of directions. I am quite bold. Daring. A bit wild. *Mwhahah. Blowing my own trumpet. Puupt puutp puut preet (sounds more like farting)* Dunno why some even misunderstood me as a lesbian? Maybe I act like what I expect from a guy. Some see me as cute, childish + a bit irresponsible. I dont pick up my phone calls. I reply my messages hours later. I make last minute decisions. I look 5 years older than my actual age. I look fierce and dead serious but I can say the lamest thing at the wrong time. I laugh like a witch and occasionally a horny hyena. I believe in my own stands and decisions but sometimes easily sway. Wait. I am revealing too much weaknesses. That's not my point! Heck.Overall, they make me feel as though I emit protective aura around them. Make them feel secure and safe. Turn me to a better person. There's no such thing as a perfect friend. We grow and learn together *EMo ALert!!* We have our childish "I dont want to friend you anymore" and "I am your best friend rite?" moments. Now, reflecting back, everything looks funny and .. fun.

I'll miss home terribly.

to be cont

laptop out of battery. lazy to charge. la di la di daaaaaa......