Just came back from an outing with the usual gang in KK. A new group of friends I became closer within 10 months or so.
And it hit me that as much as I enjoy the companionship, sometimes I cant help feeling sad that my friends feed on others negativity to keep the conversation going. It may be funny if you're not THE joke but it's hurtful when you're the said topic.
And Im sure if I voiced it out.. I'll be seen as childish but.. you see, everyone's needs are different. I cant compromise my happiness for your entertainment. Hence, most of the time, I'll try to control what I said, and just laugh.. I'll try my best not to laugh at others misery cos I know exactly how it feels..
Hmm.. it's different from my usual friends from high school or college friends which I hangout with, in the sense, random topics, ideas or nonsense are things we chat about and joke non stop. No direct personal jokes on a particular person, and I remember leaving, feeling uplifted and encourage that I have a group of friends who appreciate me for who I am and where I can really get support.
I guess everyone is different and I just need to learn to adapt to the situation.
What's saddening is, it limits what I wanna say, share or joke about..
I know I can trust them when it come to certain situations and I know we must have shared some common sentiments to become a group ... but feelings like this is not something I wanna feel all the time.. sigh.
Human is such a peculiar creature...
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