The song just stuck in my head and I found my self humming to it at random times. Not that it's a bad thing. I know it's a love song but it's just soothing..
I was never a lyric person but more of a melody person.. if you know what I mean.. :D
How have you been dearest blog?
Me?
Still fighting. Still finding the purpose of life.
10 years ago.. after SPM, didnt know what to do.. went to college.. chose ICPU.. then went to MMMC .. graduated.. chose to work in Sabah.. fast forward another year.. and I've already half way to being an MO. Not entirely financially independent but working my ways toward it. Come to think about it.. I'm already 26 this year.. and still have many decisions yet to be made.
I have a guy who really likes me. I know and he proves it but I chose to reject his affection despite his sincerity for I want someone to be here with me, NOW. I admit I'm not the perfect person and I'm afraid I'll never meet another guy like him but for now... I have to be true to myself not to accept someone just because I'm alone. I was moved by the thoughts and effort put into the gifts but I want those damn butterlies in the stomach, those fuzzy warm feelings! I chose to be single. I seriously gave it a thought.. seriously want to give it a try but it just did not happen.
If I have even a tad of feeling, trust me, i tell myself, I'll jump upon it and hold on to it!
The only times 2 people gave me butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings were during college times but they were never meant to be. ;P
Also encounters for a night or during a short trip.. people who make me feel special in a way!
And despite repeating to myself to be positive in life, I'm always picking on others mistakes. What have I become or turning into? Such a bitter person that I really dont recognise myself anymore. Today, I realised I have so much anger in me that it brought me bitter tears. It has got to stop cos the only proper conversation I have with friends around me now are resentment and bitching! *gossiping is still integral part of life.. (:*
It comes to a point that sometimes patients irritates me with their whining but I always remind myself.. if it's my relatives.. I would want a junior doctor to treat them with all due respect..
I especially treat old and young patients with care cos old patients remind me so much of my grandparents and young patients are not suppose to suffer at such early age.
URs/non locals are given equal respect despite me or my colleagues dissing them for draining our government money (not that it's going to proper channels with all the corruptions going on) BUT they too are human beings and being so poor, stateless and helpless.. it makes no difference helping them or any other African kids in Africa. I do agree though that URs/non locals who gets pregnant on a yearly basis needs serious upfront scolding session!
So much insecurities in life but to remain positive, I want to remind myself... I still have this in life:-
- opportunities to travel (next aim: Taiwan)
- friends ( best friend/gTL/lepak friends)
-family (unconditional and unwavering support <3)
-shopping privileges
-a job
-a job that I love (ups and downs but the goal is for the patient)
-some colleagues who are really gems that I look forward to work with and also to those rotten apples who make me work stronger just to bring them down harder *fist in the air*
OH well! Part and parcel of life!
Ending this post with a very relieved feeling..
It's really different when I put my thoughts to words and now to transfer it to ACTION!
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