Hope

I am sensitive like that.
Some entries brought me to tears. T.T
Taught me to be patient, to appreciate the people I have around me especially family and friends (shoutout to especially one: where can you find a friend who is willing to peel grapes and apples so that I'll have all the vitamins I need, knows what food I dislike and particularly like and cheer me on like no one had before AND save me from ultimate boredom with her countless lameness, selfless is a the only word i can think of, plus constantly nagging at me so that I'll drink water *insert motherly mode*AND the ultimate gesture will only be revealed on her wedding, list could go on but then it'll be too lesbo! hahhaha to LEEKY LIM) and most of all, to trust God.

Despite the fact that the speaker who gave a talk today on "How to start as a houseofficer or *scratch head* something like that?", gave a glimpse of harsh reality awaiting the new houseofficers and me being discouraged a bit on how we have to manipulate our true feelings just to survive the everyday life, to the point that you tend to suspect whether it's the person's sincere feelings/intentions or a facade! because I've been despising those people all along (buttering their way up, butting into everyone's business, the I-am-the-know-it-all-its'allaboutme/me/me kind of people) and constantly reminding myself that I'll never be like them BUT I guess a little bit of optimism, loads of close-one-eye and AVOIDANCE are what encourages life on.
So, instead of seeing it as "buttering/bootlicking" I can take it as purely praising out of a sincere heart and the act of "butting into everyone's business" as purely concern or "I-am-the-know-it-all-important-person" as lack of attention/ deluded? HAHAHAHHA *vomits blood from trying too hard to accept*
I do get the point of weighing the pro and cons in everything one does *an achievement I can be proud of for able to fliter many things ought not to be mention* plus change when necesaary to adapt to the circumstances.

On another note, while doing a respiratory examination on a Swedish man of approx. 70 years old today, I asked him to say "Ninety-nine" and in repetition. He cheekily alternates "99" with "Eleven-eleven" and when we (Leeky and Olive) wanted to do percussion, in lay man's term, we told him we'll "knock" his chest a bit. With his thick accent and rusty voice, it took us quite sometime to understand that he was trying to say, "Open the door and come in" (KNOCK KNOCK, COME IN? geddit?) *insert awkward smile followed by laughter*

Back to the topic at hand!
If you have time to spare or feeling despair (hak hak) or simply wanna go, "AAwwwwwww", feel free to run through some of it (:

LoveGivesMeHope
GivesMeHope

Few of my favourites:

No. 1
I thought I was pregnant, and I was scared to death.
We’ve only been together for a year and I didn’t know if we were ready to have a baby and how you really felt about me and our future.
My doubts, and fears, disappeared when you kissed my belly and whispered ” If you’re in there. I love you.”
JW, your loving heart GMH. I love you.

No. 2
Last December, my mom committed suicide after a lifelong struggle with depression.
Yesterday, I found a picture of my mom holding me when I was a baby, her forehead touching mine, eyes closed, smiling in complete bliss. On the back she wrote “I love you always -Mommy.”
Mama, your never-ending love GMH.

No. 3
I am a third grade teacher.
Most kids come in with notes or messages written by their mothers in their lunch sacks.
One little girl's dad left, and her mother abuses drugs. But her 12 year old brother never fails to write "I love you" on her brown paper bag.
He GMH.

No. 4 (Medical Related!)
A 74 year old man has an rare antibody in his plasma that stops babies dying from Rhesus disease, a form of severe anaemia. He has donated plasma almost 1000 times since he was 18 years old. He has saved an estimated 2.2 million babies so far.
James Harrison, you GMH.

No. 5
My girlfriend and I were in the drive thru of a restaurant when we saw a homeless man begging for food.
As soon as we got our food she asked me to pull over and she gave the homeless man her meal.
When I asked her why she did that she simply said, " I can go home and eat a sandwich, he can't."
Her compassion for others GMH

*Wipe tears and mucus*
Leave you guys to that. Nites.
Feeling a fever creeping in. Counter attacked with PCM :(

The ups and downs of Emergency Department

Downs:

• Despite resuscitations effort, patients still expired. In the end, God decides who gets to live and who gets to go.
• Expired patients' grieiving family members wailing, crying and sobbing. The first patient I saw today, her family members were crying but wasnt disturbingly loud. The second patient's family members were sobbing so loudly *don't get me wrong, I'm not annoyed but rather disturbed* I was in the verge of tearing myself though I was in the next cubicle doing ECG on another patient. All along, I thought I would be fine. The doctors, paramedics, nurses all seemed fine. "I cant be the only one being emotional," I said to myself. The thought of the patient being my grandparents *touchwood* is so heartbreaking. The patient's body was still warm! The first patient whom I did CPR, her body was cold and I dunno why it didnt hit me as bad as the second patient. Sigh. I guess it's a part-and-parcel of growing up in medic field. 2 deaths in a day.

Ups:

• While helping a doctor to do ECG on a patient, I overhead this conversation between a medical assistant, A, was assisting me and another medical assistant.

B: Hey A, what's wrong with this patient?

A: Oh, *with a serious face*, dia kentut berdarah.

Me: *Literally burst out laughing but thank God there's face mask covering my medical student dignity*

B: *also with a straight face* Oh. Bloody flatus?

Sometimes this medical assistants are darn funny. Their spontaneity really cracked me up. Some of them do show respects to doctors. They make the working environment easier in alot of ways.

• Different spectrum of cases are presented in the Emergency Department. Life will never be mundane. LOL.

Just for fun

Patients never fail to amuse me.

Scene One:
In Polyclinic Peringgit, while withdrawing blood from a chinese uncle, approximately 60 years old? Conversation in Mandarin.

Chinese uncle: *chirpy friendly voice* Doctor, have to come again later a? *for 2 hours post prandial*
Me: Yes lo. Now you can go for your breakfast.
Chinese uncle: Wanna go with me a? Are you free?
Me : =.=" *muka maintain* Uncle, haha busy la. Anyways, medical student life not that good. We dont have teabreaks
Chinese uncle: Aiya, So sad a? I thought can buy you tea. Hehe.
Me: *stomach grumbles from hunger but mussssssst maintain* No la. Busy. Thanks uncle. (:

Then , after countless blood withdrawals, Chinese uncle came back 2 hours later, catching me off guard.
Chinese uncle: Pretty doctor!!! *His words ok? Not mine.* You are still here? You must be very busy!
Me: Oh uncle. *insert cold laughter* Yes I am. Didnt know it's already 2 hours! Haha You had your tea?
Chinese uncle: Yes lo. Thought you will come. Haha *I was preparing the syringe, needle and swab* You are not from around here?
Me: No, I'm from Klang.
Chinese uncle: How often you go back? You drive back?
Me: Yup. Once a month *lied, padahal more frequent but not that he'll sponsor my petrol if told him 2 or more sometimes?*
Chinese uncle: Wow. Nowadays girl very daring hor? Can drive back alone. bla bla bla *wasnt really concentrating cos was finding his veins and he was talking bout his relative or someone, used his car and met an accident then dare not drive anymore*
Me: *gave the occasional laughter and smile*
Chinese uncle: Aiya, then buy car insurance for what? Must make it worth it. Meet a few accidents is ok!
Me: *success! witdrew a 3ml syringe full while busy chit-chatting*
Chinese uncle: Doctor, next time when you are free, come find me at Sin Hoe garden. I stay at one of the houses, nearby the shoplots. House no XX. Okay!? I'll treat you!
Me: HAHA ok ok. Take care uncle!

Told mum about this particular incident. She had a good laugh. Mum asked why I attract uncles but not proper guys? SIGH.

Scene Two:
In Malacca GH, male medicine ward with Olive and Leeky.
I was standing in between them and Olive was casually asking a medical officer who was clerking a Malay patient.
The Malay patient immediately looked at my direction and asked, "Doctor dari CHINA ka?"
I was like, WTF?, shocked, which part of my face looks like China mui? smiled and before I can answer, he continued, "From Shanghai? You got the Shanghai look!"

Then he looked at the rest (Olive, Leeky and MO) for reassurance.

WHAT IS THE SHANGHAI LOOK? *googles frantically for shanghai look! .. no la. crazy.. not that paranoid*

According to him, he always go to China for business trips. His wife was beside him so I DONT think there's any hanky-panly business with China girls for the fear that his wife will interrogate him later, "Kenapa bang spesifik muka dia macam muka pompuan Shanghai?"

He says my complexion very similar. Smooth porcelain like? HAHAHA. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT MY EYES ARE SEPET or SLITs ok?

Told him, "No, I'm Malaysian" *PROUD*, which he answered, "Oh, bagus, good.." Er.. T____________T

Nevertheless, I will take it as a compliment. MAYBE just maybeeeee, I look like a rich tai tai's....... daughter ok? *flips hair*

What I've been up to?

Looks like I'm blogging on a weekly basis. Lol.

Starting from Wednesday night, was invited to Sum's birthday celebration. Had dinner at Simply Fish and proceeded to jetty for karaoke session.

It has been a long time since I went for karaoke session. The first time was with my ex-colleagues (3 girls). They sang Chinese songs and the banana me can only READ out a few simple chinese words and that too, the next sentence will appear. I do know how to sing Jay Chou's "Cloudy day/Qing Tian" *bits and pieces ler*

The second time was with 4 members of gTLiers (Yat tuang, MingChoi, Li Yee and Shin Fei). It was crazy boyband era songs man. We 80's babies do have many cheesy yet memorable songs to sing our hearts out. Backstreet Boys, Westlife, Spice Girls etc HAHAH What outing would it be without photo session following suit? hehe

This time around, the karaoke session was initially dominated by the guys but in the end, only me, Leeky and Alvin were last ones standing. Sum was knocked out earlier after countless shots of whisky. Leeky and I had our fair share of drinks, she just went from idle to energizer bunny with tomato flushed face. We sang our hearts and lungs out (without shoes) to Linkin Park. And the best part was, the huge room (the one's at the corner, literally on Straits of Malacca) was empty except for 3 of us and it was raining thunderstorms outside. Hardcore man. Seriously had so much fun, rocking the night away *insert graphics of me playing electric guitar like a pro*!

It was initially just a normal Wednesday night where Leeky and I planned for our "Ladies nite" but somehow the plan evolved to fit in many other activities. We had Baskin Robbins then played squash, followed by dinner. Supposed to meet up with Gayathri for drinks with her entourage at Jonker's too but managed to persuade her join the gang in Pure bar. hehe. *kinda busy night*

Leeky and I decided at 12 am to drop by Arena but they charge cover-charge for guys. Since Alvin was following us, we skipped the idea and headed to Pure bar. Thank goodness the heavy rain had stopped. So, we continued partying away in Pure bar. That place used to be so good. Now it's just like a mini Indonesia. My gosh. How can they allow Muslims to drink and dance there? If any JAIM members see this (not that they'll chance upon this), PLEASE raid that place on Wednesday night. And if Pure Bar management see this, do something before the crowd moves away.

//

On Thursday, Olive's family invited me and Leeky over for dinner. Her parents are always welcoming. Homecooked food was delish! Really appreciate this friend of mine who has been always kind to us. Thank you so much.

//
Friday was spent hanging out with the bestie.
Leeky sneaked out of Dr Wong's class, just to have breakfast and wanted to go back after breakfast. We even thought of excuses incase he found out. Was utterly talking rubbish in cafetaria until her groupmates came in, informing her that class has ended.
We then decided to do some productive work and Imanaged to drag her to Coffee Bean (not that I like that place but I had a buy1 free 1 coupon) lol!

An effeminate guy sat at the table next to us and had a tattoo of Maneki Neko, Japanese welcoming cat, on the extensor aspect of his right forearm. WTF? hahahaha
Seriously, how does he wave and say Hi? Up down or left right?

Night entertainment was spent at Tesco, snatching cheap toilet rolls from aunties. Not me, the friend.

//
Saturday was another day spent in another coffee outlet, my all-time favourite, Starbucks.
How can you not like Dark Mocha or Javachip? Current love is Dark Mocha! Weee~
Barista was kind to let us try their new product which was some espresso affogato with coffee beans, topped with espresso whip cream, sprinkled with espresso powder. I tell you man, it's so crazy stuff. We went back around 5.30pm. Iwas on my bed from 6pm till 8.30pm, the body was out/flat/sour but the brain was working like it's on steroids. Woke up and found out that my dearest friend, Leeky, had the same problem. Hahahahha

It was so much fun realising that we are so compatible! We had been wearing similar styles twice this week although we have totally different fashion taste and wardrobe.

Decided to go over her place and do some work. Was offered alcohol but actually being guinea pig for the bartender wannabe. She mixed vodka with pink guava juice, apple juice and mixture of both. I had to drink it all. Madness. Spent bout 30 mins fighting, rolling on the bed, waiting for caffeine to wear off and stealing my warmth before we actually fall asleep.

//
Sunday
Woke up for church. Realised there was a minor confusion but resolved nevertheless. Connected to God again.
Had organised a visitation to the old folks' home in the afternoon for Student Council.

I seriously do not understand how does people, after withdrawing their parents hard-earned EPF money, can actually throw them in the streets?
Or how do montrous children abandon their parents when they are well-to-do and living comfortably?
Even if they use the excuse of lack of time due to work to put their parents in the old folks' home, at least visit them often, drop by or pay a minimal fee for their management!

It's such a heartache seeing old people tearing up when they speak about their children who abandon them. Children who are grown up, independent and lead a successful life. Do they not know that THEY to will grow OLD? and I pray that one day the same thing will bestow them!

And I really appreciate volunteers who sacrifice their time, patience, money and life to take care of this unfortunate citizens. That include students who volunteered their time today. There's definitely a difference we made, the smile on their faces say it all and that's the reward we get. The old folks' needed companion, someone to talk to, to feel important or significant and not to be forgotten.

I am positive that during the journey back in the college bus, everyone was feeling happy and contented, because I did. The atmosphere was different from the time when we were on the way towards the home. It was arterall a lazy Sunday afternoon (:

I felt a little gesture does made a difference. I am glad the old folks' had new mattresses to sleep on (donation of used but good condition matteresses from the college), entertained by our presence and performances and had fun talking to us.

I learn to apppreciate my parent and granparent more today.
It brings me tears to know that one day we will be parted. Hence, it's best to enjoy every moment with them.

Rant

I wanted to let it all out.
The thoughts are killing me.
So, I decided to signed into FB, to rant out my thoughts.
Instead, I am greeted with so many happy shoutouts *i am happy that they are confident that they'll pass* and people who are already posting up the cases that are out today. But seriously, is it necessary? We went through fair and square ok?

I guess life IS unfair.

... I immediately exed the page off, and ended up here.

First and foremost, while we were quarantined in the room, awaiting our turns for long cases, some jackasses or smart alecks decided to SPECULATE or DECODE the allocated numbers that we had. Initially, I was ignoring them, got so pissed when they expected everyone (20 +) in the room to take part in their little session because their "brains" were satured and they can't study. To the point where they were so confident, I was shaken too. Scared to my core cos apparently I am supposed to get Paedatrics case. This particular "her" had the guts to walk around, happily proclaiming that she's glad that she managed to get O & G cases because it was either my allocated number or hers, will get either Ped 0r O&G and she have to let everyone know what's on her freaking mind. I am pissed. Cos we all are there for our exams, not to hear you freaking whine. Best part is others actually entertain her. Anyways, so, like I said, I got influenced and studied on Pediatrics for the last one hour and when the invigilator came to get me, he told me my case is an O & G case. Well, not that I am complaining at that moment cos I was aiming for O&G case.

Saying this, another friend was also expecting an ortho case cos of their conclusion but she had Peds case which was equally tough as mine. ):

Then hell began. As the invigilator was leading me to obstetrics ward, the corresponding medical officer said the fourth case is at the gynaecology ward. I was thinking, " i hope it's fibriods or ovarian cyst". Sigh. I guess it's just not my day. My patient has a freaking long history of carcinoma of cervix, had TAH BSO done last year, presented with ascites, had radiotherapy + chemotherapy done and left lower limb swelling. To her credit, my patient was cooperative * i was thinking after the exam, the person who wanted badly to get an o&g case should have this case cos this patient only speaks in MANDARIN* but she has shortness of breath, abdomen discomfort and forgotten details about her own condition. I had to clerk a freaking long history with only 15 minutes for examination of the abdomen and just my luck, when the examiners came, they were Dr. Sameera and Dr. Yang (surgical consultant). I knew I was dead.

He freaking expected me to examine the left lower limb swelling as a proper examination plus I had to do abdomen examination proper and other systems as well, since she presented with ascites.

He also asked a whole bunch of surgical questions and I didnt have time to answer any O&G questions. Not that I know also, cos wasnt expecting ca cervix.


Now I really know why people created the word, "F*CK". It's for such situations..

Sighhh..


Stress kao kao.

Monosaturated

I am suffocating.. can I go somewhere till the exam is over?
Feel so inadequate, unequipped for the exam, in spite of facing the books for hours a day.
AND
The thought of repeating the course, shit, damn stress k..
I know everyone handles stress differently and mine, happens to be the "avoiding/escaping-from-reality" one. -.-"

God save me. And the rest of the batch who is going for battle on Thursday onwards. Amen

Medicine posting

This few weeks have been fun and tiring at the same time. I find it hard to resist occupying myself with different kinds of activities, all at the same time: be it sports (playing competitively for basketball interbatch), choir and dancing for church's Christmas event or dancing for college's Annual Nite. My calender is occupied till December :) Someday sooner in the future, I know I'll definitely miss Manipal's life and miss the beautiful India (the many picturesque places, simplicity of life, locals excl the rotten ones) even more. Though not as comfortable as home but there are so much events here that make all those hard work at the hospital and studying don't seem too tough. Afterall, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

I must really praised the patients and their relatives in the hospital. I'm currently doing my Medicine posting (a month) where 21 of us are assigned to one bed for the entire posting in the general ward. Any patients on that particular bed will be our patient and we can switch places among ourselves. Those patients are usually from low income family but they have the warmness of a small innocent kid. We'll have to elicit history and do a thorough General examination and based on the symptoms, proceed to examine the system: CVS, RS, GIT and briefly CNS on each patient. I tell you, it's not easy as it sounds cos of the language barrier and we are afterall, still learning. Patients not only accommodate with our lack of communication skills (have to use the Kannada-English Doctor's translation script, thanks to a very understanding doctor and basic sign/action language), they also have to tolerate with our examination skills. Sometimes I do get patients who know basic English and we'll spend 15 minutes correcting each others pronunciation *really funny situation*, other times there are those who tried their best to express their complaints but in the end, they'll only smile cos they cant get their message across :) Some patients are curious bout their condition or any symptoms but dare not ask the real doctors so they'll ask us 'pseudo docs'. They are awed simply by their own heart sounds or vocal resonance. Of course there are those who are uncooperative but we cant blame them cos I really wouldn't one anyone to examine me when I'm sick *seriously* Hence, a short tribute to the patients and their relatives at the General Medicine Ward at T.M.A Pai Hospital *i heart my job* Thank you all for inspiring me.


The hospital is in Udupi, about 3 km from my place. Travelling approx 20-30 minutes every single journey to the hospital for 6 days a week, is tiring especially if the road is bumpy (potholes). Hence, people like me resort to sleeping in the newly renovated air-cond classrooms on the 3rd floor of the hospital. Benches occupied by the occasional afternoon nappers like me, hehe using labcoats as our blankie in a cold room regardless of the hot stinging weather outside. The satisfaction~


Pictures up soon!

First observation of a surgery

Witnessed my first complete surgery on Tuesday: A subtotal thyroidectomy (removing the thyroid gland) for a young female with multinodular goitre.

Only 5 of us in the 20-students batch are allowed to go into the operation theatre at a time to observe the surgery. The next 5 students will go in during the next surgery.

Of course I was excited as hell to actually observe a full operation. *suaku ma* Changed to the green robe, surgical mask and hair mask on and we're set.

Pardon the excitement of a jakun.. =)

I really admire the 2 surgeons conducting the surgery (all surgeons actually) for their patience in doing such meticulous work of removing the skin, platysma, subcutaneous tissue, deep fascia etc and ligating each and every vessels properly before suturing the vessels. Firstly, i cannot even fathom how they recognise the vessels or nerves with everything looking so red?!

The patient in this operation has an anomaly with her left recurrent laryngeal nerve which closely adherent to the posteromedial aspect of the gland. One of the surgeon even exclaimed, "Shit!" when he saw the situation (means mre work to do). The surgeons have to separate the nerve from gland before removing and must avoid cutting the nerve to prevent further complications like hoarseness of voice etc.

All this sounds easy but the entire operation took 4 hours.



I was thinking after 2 hours thru the operation: "Just remove the gland lo! Cut those nerves and vessels!" 4 hours are longggg.........